This lecture by Rabbi YY Jacobson was delivered at the ''Light in the Darkness'' event. in support of Yeshivas Meirim, in London,&nbsp;on Motzaei Shabbos, 16 Kislev, 5779, November 24, 2018, in the Grand Meridian Banqueting Suite, in the presence of close to 1,000 guests.

Thinking About Out Children, Not Ourselves

London Lecture on Education

What Comes First -- Torah Or the Jewish People?

Rabbi YY Jacobson &amp; Rabbi Shimon Russell, LCSW,&nbsp;discussing and taking questions on zoom, regarding: Why Are So Many Teenagers Struggling in Today&#39;s Generation? What We Can Do to Help Them?

Episode #83 of &quot;Let&#39;s Get Real with Coach Menachem,&quot; with Rabbi Menachem Berenfeld, Life Coach, moderated by Asher Parnes.

What We Can Do to Help Our Youth?

In Conversation: Rabbi YY & Rabbi Shimon Russell, LCSW

Why Are So Many Teenagers Struggling in Today's Generation? 

This women&#39;s class was presented on Tuesday Parshas Vayechi, 10&nbsp;Teves, 5780, January 7, 2020 at the Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, NY&nbsp;

What Yaakov Taught Us About Dealing with Challenging Children & Challenging Jews

Women's Vayechi Class

Crossing Your Hands & Changing Your Attitude Toward Your Children

During a class with Rabbi YY Jacobson, in Tamuz 5777, July 2017, a man related that when he eight years of age, he asked a question in class about a redundancy in a Pasuk in Parshas Bo. His teacher mocked the question and for the next 8 years this question became the paradigm of a foolish comment. This boy never asked a question again in class.&nbsp;32 years later, this young man related this story. Here is Rabbi YY Jacobson&#39;s response.

When Your Judaism Is Weak, You're Afraid of Questions

Hashkafa/Chinuch

Never Mock Your Children's Questions; Never Lie to Them

This class was presented by Rabbi YY Jacobson, Sunday morning, on the postponed fast-day of 17-18 Tamuz 5766, July 24, 2016, in Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, New York.&nbsp;

The Inside Story of the “Three Weeks”

Discipline Only From Love

Rabbi YY Jacobson presented the keynote lecture to the parents of Shulamith Girls School in Cedarhurst, NY, on Wednesday Parshas Vayigash, 4 Teves, 5782, December 8, 2021.

The Comment that Saved a Teenager's Life

Lecture for Parents of Shulamith School

The Torah's Remedy for Your Struggling Child

This women&#39;s class was presented on Tuesday Parshas Toldos, 28&nbsp;Cheshvon, 5780, November 26, 2019 at the Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, NY.

It is one of those seemingly bizarre and absurd Talmudic tales. The king and queen&mdash;they were from the Hasmonaean dynasty, ruling during the Second Temple era&mdash;sat and debated which food is preferable, the sheep or the goat. The king said, &ldquo;Goats are better.&rdquo; The queen said &ldquo;No! Sheep are better.&rdquo; They decided to seek the judgment of the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest of the Temple, because of his familiarity with these animals which regularly served as sacrifices. The High Priest was the man who cooked and consumed the most lamb and goat in the entire Jewish world; he would be the expert. 

They summoned the Kohen Kadol, Named Yissachar, who came from the town of Barkaei. He insolently waved his hand in a gesture that demonstrated disdain to the king. How can the king even consider such a foolish idea that goat meat was superior, said the High Priest, when the daily communal sacrifice was brought from sheep? Yissachar was arguing, if lamb was not superior to goat meat, why would G-d ask for a daily feast of lamb, rather than goat?

The king was furious at the insult and the denigrating wave of the hand. The king declared: Since this man, the High Priest, has no reverence for the king, his right hand should be chopped off, making him unfit to serve at all in the Holy Temple (the Temple service was done primarily with the right hand). The Kohen Gadol bribed the executioner to cut off his left hand instead. When the king found out, he had his remaining hand chopped off as well. 

The Talmud then goes on to explain how the High Priest erred. For both the Torah and the Mishnah intimate that, from the Torah perspective, sheep and goats are equal. 

What are we to make of this apparently absurd tale? Should we laugh or cry? Is this a humorous tale? A parable? Or a reflection on the monstrous behavior of the monarchs of yore? 

And how about the story itself? Do kings and queens have nothing better to do than argue if lamb chaps are superior to goat meat? Anyhow, how can you argue about the taste of a meal? As we say in Hebrew, &ldquo;Al taam viraich, ain mah lhitvokaich.&rdquo; You cannot argue objectively about taste or smell. 

And what are we to make of the Kohen Gadol&rsquo;s strange answer? The king and queen were ostensibly arguing about physical taste; how does that get resolved from the daily sacrifice in the Temple? Did the High Priest of Israel really believe that G-d consumed and enjoyed the meat of the offerings? 

It was the Maggid of Mezrich, Rabbi Dov Ber, one of the greatest spiritual masters of Judaism, the successor of the Baal Shem Tov, who suggested that this story served also as a parable for life. The debate between the king and the queen about sheep and goat represented the debate between Isaac and Rebecca about their sons Esau and Jacob, in this week&rsquo;s portion.

Yet, as fate would have it, the student of the Maggid who transcribed this teaching of his master, Rabbi Yaakov Yitzchak Horowitz from the city of Lantzut, Poland, known as the Seer of Lublin, forgot the details. It was he, and the third Lubavitcher Rebbe, the Tzemach Tzedek, Rabbi Menachem Mendel, who suggested what the Maggid might have meant. It provides us with one of the most empowering lessons on educations and leadership in our world today.

A Mother and Father Debate Their Two Sons -- Yaakov & Eisav

Women's Toldos Class

A King and Queen Debate Lamb Chops & Goat Meat

This women's class was presented on Tuesday Parshas Toldos, 25 Cheshvan, 5778, November 14, 2017, at Beis Medrash Ohr Chaim in Monsey, NY.

How the Man Who Never Ceased to Dig Wells Taught Us and G-d How to Love

Toldos Women’s Class

Why Did Yitzchak Love Eisav? Because That’s what a Father Does

<a href="https://www.theyeshiva.net/item/857">My article last week</a>—in wake of more than 80 untimely deaths in the Jewish community since last Rosh Hashanah 5776, by men and women younger than 35, who died from overdose or suicide and the like—triggered many comments, questions and objections.
The conversation is long overdue. In my opinion, it must include first and foremost, three vital points.
1. Stop the stigma of mental illness.
We emphasize, accept, respect, and love patients who are physically ill. Yet when it comes to mental illness, many of us shut down. Many people who struggle with mental challenges—chemical disorders, depression, and all other forms of mental challenges—feel that if anyone finds out the truth about them, they will be shunned for eternity. They feel they can’t talk to anyone, because nobody will lend them an ear or a heart. They feel that nobody will be there for them. In their minds, we blame them for their problems. As one young man suffering from mental illness told me: “My father told me, ‘Just snap out of your issues and get back to normal living. Enough!’”
This is deeply tragic. People do not choose these types of challenges; they are the result of Gd’s choices. What they need most is the feeling that they are not victims of the devil, destined to a miserable life. They are powerful souls (neshamos) who can bring light into the abyss of darkness. Our acceptance, respect, and affection for them helps them empower themselves and see themselves from another vantage point.
I heard the following story from the person it happened to. There was a young woman struggling with mental illness. It was very serious, to the point that she was suicidal. After a long ordeal and hospitalization, and much advice from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, her father thanked the Rebbe for “schlepping her out of her deep darkness.”
The Rebbe responded: “She was in no dark place that I needed to take her out from there.”
When she left the hospital, the Rebbe wrote to her: “From now on, may you serve Gd with joy and gladness of heart.”
Trust me, the Rebbe knew very well the seriousness of her condition. He was deeply involved in her entire journey, down to the electric-shock treatment given to her. But, in my opinion, the Rebbe was attempting to give her the feeling that he will never look at her as this “dark, scary soul.” He will look at her as a shining piece of G-d who was sent down to this world with infinite power, sent into a very deep space of darkness in order to reveal light there. The Rebbe reminded this person that she is an ambassador of Gd, not a victim of the devil.
Till today, this woman, who has many challenges, lives with a deep sense of purpose, joy and dignity.
This is not about denial and being naive. On the contrary, it comes from a broad, sophisticated and Divine perspective, where we do not run away from trauma, pain, and mental illness. We have the courage to stare them in the eyes, and to see the pure light of those souls struggling with something they did not choose.
We got to change our paradigms about mental illness.
Admittedly, sometimes it is very difficult. Unlike the physically ill, individuals with mental illness often say and do very hurtful things to people who love them most. Yet, we must remember, that they are not bad or malicious people; some of them possess the biggest hearts you will encounter on our planet. They were given a trying challenge, beyond what most of us can even fathom. Nor is it our role to become supermen who will heal them. We can’t heal them. They must find the tools within themselves (of course with the guidance of true experts in the field) to make their lives manageable and meaningful. But we can embrace them; we can be here for them; allow them to be open with us—and treat them with the dignity they truly deserve.&nbsp;
2. Stop trying to make your child “fit in.”
Parents and educators must be attuned to what their children and students need today, based on who they are at this very moment. Do not try to create a child who will make you look good and make you proud in your own social and religious circles. Do not try to force your child to “look good,” so that everything appears normal. Your goal is to allow your children to discover their own depth, their own soul, their own beauty, their own purpose, their own creativity, and their own connection to G-d. You want to make your children believe that they are more powerful than all of their trauma; that they may have “chains,” but their soul and willpower are more potent than all the chains that life conferred upon them.
How do you give youngsters that sense of power? By loving them infinitely and unconditionally. By making them feel and understand how valuable and powerful they are, and how much G-d believes in them, even if they do not believe in themselves. How awesome and perfect they are in the core of their being, which nobody can ever take away. No illness, no molester, no traumatic experience, can ever rob them from their wholesome, perfect, sacred, confident, joyful, holy and Divine core. There is a sacred unshakable purity and sense of wellness in each of us that nothing can tarnish and destroy. We need to show our children they do not need to fear their own challenges, because we do not fear them. They can talk about them, they can look at them, and they can share them with us. We love them unconditionally and we believe that a “chelek Elokah mimaal”—a “fragment of G-d,” as the mystics define the soul—can overcome trauma, abuse, mental illness, and addiction.
Never allow your children’s choices to become a personal affront to yourself, and never sever the relationship. Keep the bonds as strong as ever. Talk to experts who will help you—but experts who believe that a soul is “a part of G-d,” and that every Jew is holy forever, and that—as Elijah the Prophet says (in the Midrash Tanna D’vei Eliyahu, chapter 14)—the Jew comes before Torah. You break the Tablets to save a Jew!
(Some of us will never forget the endless flow of tears when the Lubavitcher Rebbe communicated this message on Simchas Torah 1986, and then again on Shabbos Shoftim 1989. It is one of the deepest memories etched in my mind. I never saw the Rebbe weep with such intensity and for so long—and on Simchas Torah! The Rebbe said then, that the entire Torah concludes with the story of Moshe Breaking the Holy Tablets—because the ultimate message and zenith of all of Torah is: We break even the Torah to save a Jewish soul.)
This is not because Torah is secondary. To the contrary, the Jewish soul is one with Torah. “Yisrael, Oraisa, v’Kudeshah Brich Hu Kula Chad,” the Jewish people, Torah and G-d are all bound up in a singular oneness. By breaking the Luchos (The Tablets) and embracing a soul, you are allowing the neshamah to ultimately discover the Torah etched within her very core.
Stop trying to make your child “fit in” at all costs, even at the cost of his/her miserable future and dignity. Do not worry about what your relatives will say at the next family simcha. Think about one thing and one thing only: What do I need to do to allow my child to flourish, to discover his or her infinite dignity, to feel wanted, loved, cherished, and accomplished?
3. Talk and listen—constantly.
We must constantly talk to our kids and listen to them. We must talk to them about the dangers of abuse of all forms, and always, always communicate with them, watch them, listen to them, be attentive to their state of mind, and build unshakable bonds of trust with them.
More than anything, do not make them feel like outcasts, losers, disappointments. Believe in them, so that they can believe in themselves. See them as fragments of Gd, as particles of holiness, as rays of infinity.

Mental Illness, Depression, and Social Pressure

Mental Illness, Depression, and Social Pressure

Don't Try to Force Your Child to "Fit In" and Make You Look Good

An excerpt of class:&nbsp;https://theyeshiva.net/5399

YY Moment

All Children Need Love

This women&#39;s was presented on Tuesday Parshas Balak, 10 Tamuz, 5777, July 4, 2017, at Ohr Chaim shul in Monsey, NY.

It is one of the strangest stories in the Torah&mdash;when the donkey suddenly opens its mouth. But why the need for this strange and funny miracle? What was the point of a donkey seeing an angel, Balaam beating it because he could not see anything in front of him, and then the donkey opening its mouth? Why the need for this strange and humorous miracle? What exactly do we gain from knowing that the wicket Balaam managed to hear a donkey speak? Many commentators have offered various perspectives. Today we will offer one insight (I heard it from Reb Avi Fishoff).

The Torah here is using a striking parable to convey a vital and critical message about education, mentoring and parenting. It is a message that can be a game changer today as we encounter so many young men and women giving up on themselves.

Last week, a young 21 year old woman from Brooklyn died from overdose. Malky struggled for years with a terrible learning disability and when she was expelled from schools that were clueless, she lost her dignity and ultimately, after many a struggle, fell prey to drugs. She was a brilliant artist, a spunky and fun girl, with a heart of gold, but surrounded by clueless educators she lost faith in herself, though her family was as loving and supportive as anyone can be.

What Did I Do To You? Why Did You Beat Me Three Times?

Balak Women's Class

The Journey of a Young Woman from School Expulsion to Overdose

Ronnie Kohen's Alway Our Kids organization sponsored a breakfast on Sept 21, 2014. The event took place in Kahal Torah's Chaim on Ave. L, in Flatbush, Brooklyn, NY. Rabbi YY Jacobson was the keynote speaker. The topic was "Who is Really at Risk?"&nbsp;

Do You Ever Expel Your Child From Home?

A Conversation with Rabbis Boruch and YY Jacobson About Teens At Risk

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