TheYeshiva.net - Rabbi YY Jacobson

The Journey of a Young Woman from School Expulsion to Overdose

What Did I Do To You? Why Did You Beat Me Three Times?

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Class Summary:

This women's was presented on Tuesday Parshas Balak, 10 Tamuz, 5777, July 4, 2017, at Ohr Chaim shul in Monsey, NY.

It is one of the strangest stories in the Torah—when the donkey suddenly opens its mouth. But why the need for this strange and funny miracle? What was the point of a donkey seeing an angel, Balaam beating it because he could not see anything in front of him, and then the donkey opening its mouth? Why the need for this strange and humorous miracle? What exactly do we gain from knowing that the wicket Balaam managed to hear a donkey speak? Many commentators have offered various perspectives. Today we will offer one insight (I heard it from Reb Avi Fishoff).

The Torah here is using a striking parable to convey a vital and critical message about education, mentoring and parenting. It is a message that can be a game changer today as we encounter so many young men and women giving up on themselves.

Last week, a young 21 year old woman from Brooklyn died from overdose. Malky struggled for years with a terrible learning disability and when she was expelled from schools that were clueless, she lost her dignity and ultimately, after many a struggle, fell prey to drugs. She was a brilliant artist, a spunky and fun girl, with a heart of gold, but surrounded by clueless educators she lost faith in herself, though her family was as loving and supportive as anyone can be.

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Please leave your comment below!

Anonymous -3 years ago
what did i do

there was a sword in front of me

the jewish community chopped my head off

shame on them, the learned torah jews, for murdering me
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Anonymous -3 years ago
so the jew beats an innocent creature because it doesn't step in line? I wished for the donkey to beat the jew's ass back.
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S
Sasson -7 years ago
we need help
What I realized recently is how oblivious parents and teachers are about the lives of their children. Especially in the field of internet addiction.

I personally don't like the attitude taken by many in terms of modern technology. Not saying that a filter is not necessary, yet I feel that the bochurim crying over their internet addictions are really crying from a much deeper void they feel inside.

Obviously I don't need to educate you on the turmoil our youth are experiencing and the needless stress and anxiety we put on them when we try to make them conform to our unbalanced unreal vision of yiddishkiet or chassidishkiet.

I don't need to tell you how blind and insane people become when dealing with religious issues. How a parent will scream and force the kids to davven and say brochos giving no thought about the affect these actions have on the kid and the distaste of yiddishkiet. So many parents have to win the battle and have no idea about being victorious in the real war of raising a child to ultimately be a healthy yid with Sholom bais and living as a chossid.

I often hear you spill out educational gems such as ויקח = בדברים because any other way you haven't taken the person. Or how you decry our obsession with "systems". Etc

I'm thinking that akin to your post semicha course you could offer a pre/post parenting/teaching course.

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D
Dov -7 years ago
I am upset
Hearing that interview from the father of this girl, which he gave on the radio, I felt many things. I would like to share with you.

I would like to vent to you.

1. First I felt heartbroken for the father. What kinda sick society has orthodox Judaism devolved into where academics are considered "behaving and being good" - I actually think that in certain ways many parts of orthodoxy are worse off in terms of kaltkeit than even from when the baal shem tov came onto the scene. Schools won't take a girl because she has dyslexia,adhd, and can't sit for hours on end listening passively? I myself probably could not do this and I have enormous reserves of willpower far beyond almost anyone I have met. I'd like to see adults do this day in and day out. Yet we take kids and force them to do this? Does no one realize that this method of instruction is at best a few hundred years old which means its quite recent from a tradition over 3,000 years old. Why the unexamined commitment to it?

Secondly, this monstrosity where we force ALL kids to do extended years and years of education beyond reaching teenage years is radically new even in the secular world and certainly in the frum world. It is basically a post-holocaust construct. Why the unexamined commitment to it?

2. Then I felt angry at the father. For several reasons. You can hear in his speaking how he has bought into this value system. He says, at one point early in the narrative, "all my other kids were good kids, top of the class" - I almost lost my marbles there. HOW DOES THE SKILL OF BEING GOOD AT TAKING TESTS = GOOD?!?!?!? Ribono shel olam save me from madness. Do you know the enormous damage this view is wreaking even in secular halls of academic excellence. The suicide rate in Silicon Valley and Mit is horrendous: http://www.mercurynews.com/2017/03/03/cdc-report-youth-suicide-rates-in-county-highest-in-palo-alto-morgan-hill/ and see also https://www.boston.com/news/education/2015/09/01/after-a-tough-year-of-suicides-on-campus-mit-aims-to-improve-mental-health-culture.

3. Then I really blew a gasket. Some guy tells his daughter, Malki, that if she says tehillim for 40 days the school will let her in. His daughter, precious precious soul that she is, does that with a lev shalem for 40 days. He then says, "what could I do? She did it and nothing. So now she lost faith. But I told her, Malky, you will see something from this." IS HE OUT OF HIS MIND? Just say, Malky my precious daughter, there are people who are crazy and say stupid things like that. No one can guarantee something like that. It's actually not how this religios works nor does God claim that it works that way. But boy would it be fun if it did and I know that God cherishes every word of tehilim you said.

4. Then I felt bad for being angry with the father. What does he know? He is himself a product of this twisted value-system. A value-system which values toeing the line, getting good grades and having the right brain that does well with tests and is not grounded in Judaism.

My heart breaks.

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- Anonymous -3 years ago
  G'd bless every word you wrote. G'd please help me with my teshuvah for buying into and enabling this cruelty. I would have homeschooled my daughter but I was in a very dysfunctional/abusive situation. In order to help cover her tution at the day school, I worked at the school. My first job as a teaching assistant was to "supervise" 1st graders doing their tefilot. One student had some mental health issues and struggled to just sit, he would chew on his shirt... I asked the menachel, what am I supposed to be doing here? He shrugged. But on the other hand, this same menachel, who is actually quite forward thinking taught in a parenting class "don't catch up (on yiddishkeit) on your child's back).... many of us know the system is wrong but we keep enabling it. Its hard to be everything. Parents want a strong secular education for parnasa ... we want a strong Torah education.... what child, teen or adult can sit all day long in a dual curriculum program??
  
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H
Homeschooler -7 years ago
Homeschooler
Pls everyone, also consider homeschooling, which does not mean that the mom has to teach everything. There are groups that get together for classes, there are homeschooling centers, there are onine resources, there are tutors, we take trips to museums.
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