• Anonymous -3 years ago

  what did i do

  there was a sword in front of me

  the jewish community chopped my head off

  shame on them, the learned torah jews, for murdering me

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• Anonymous -3 years ago

  so the jew beats an innocent creature because it doesn't step in line? I wished for the donkey to beat the jew's ass back.

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• S

  Sasson -7 years ago

  we need help

  What I realized recently is how oblivious parents and teachers are about the lives of their children. Especially in the field of internet addiction.

   

  I personally don't like the attitude taken by many in terms of modern technology. Not saying that a filter is not necessary, yet I feel that the bochurim crying over their internet addictions are really crying from a much deeper void they feel inside. 

   

  Obviously I don't need to educate you on the turmoil our youth are experiencing and the needless stress and anxiety we put on them when we try to make them conform to our unbalanced unreal vision of yiddishkiet or chassidishkiet.

   

  I don't need to tell you how blind and insane people become when dealing with religious issues. How a parent will scream and force the kids to davven and say brochos giving no thought about the affect these actions have on the kid and the distaste of yiddishkiet. So many parents have to win the battle and have no idea about being victorious in the real war of raising a child to ultimately be a healthy yid with Sholom bais and living as a chossid.

   

  I often hear you spill out educational gems such as ויקח = בדברים because any other way you haven't taken the person. Or how you decry our obsession with "systems". Etc

   

  I'm thinking that akin to your post semicha course you could offer a pre/post parenting/teaching course.

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• D

  Dov -7 years ago

  I am upset

  Hearing that interview from the father of this girl, which he gave on the radio, I felt many things. I would like to share with you.

   

  I would like to vent to you. 

   

  1. First I felt heartbroken for the father. What kinda sick society has orthodox Judaism devolved into where academics are considered "behaving and being good" - I actually think that in certain ways many parts of orthodoxy are worse off in terms of kaltkeit than even from when the baal shem tov came onto the scene. Schools won't take a girl because she has dyslexia,adhd, and can't sit for hours on end listening passively? I myself probably could not do this and I have enormous reserves of willpower far beyond almost anyone I have met. I'd like to see adults do this day in and day out. Yet we take kids and force them to do this? Does no one realize that this method of instruction is at best a few hundred years old which means its  quite recent from a tradition over 3,000 years old. Why the unexamined commitment to it?

   

  Secondly, this monstrosity where we force ALL kids to do extended years and years of education beyond reaching teenage years is radically new even in the secular world and certainly in the frum world. It is basically a post-holocaust construct. Why the unexamined commitment to it? 

   

  2. Then I felt angry at the father. For several reasons. You can hear in his speaking how he has bought into this value system. He says, at one point early in the narrative, "all my other kids were good kids, top of the class" - I almost lost my marbles there. HOW DOES THE SKILL OF BEING GOOD AT TAKING TESTS = GOOD?!?!?!? Ribono shel olam save me from madness. Do you know the enormous damage this view is wreaking even in secular halls of academic excellence. The suicide rate in Silicon Valley and Mit is horrendous: http://www.mercurynews.com/2017/03/03/cdc-report-youth-suicide-rates-in-county-highest-in-palo-alto-morgan-hill/ and see also https://www.boston.com/news/education/2015/09/01/after-a-tough-year-of-suicides-on-campus-mit-aims-to-improve-mental-health-culture. 

   

  3. Then I really blew a gasket. Some guy tells his daughter, Malki, that if she says tehillim for 40 days the school will let her in. His daughter, precious precious soul that she is, does that with a lev shalem for 40 days. He then says, "what could I do? She did it and nothing. So now she lost faith. But I told her, Malky, you will see something from this."  IS HE OUT OF HIS MIND? Just say, Malky my precious daughter, there are people who are crazy and say stupid things like that. No one can guarantee something like that. It's actually not how this religios works nor does God claim that it works that way. But boy would it be fun if it did and I know that God cherishes every word of tehilim you said. 

   

  4. Then I felt bad for being angry with the father. What does he know? He is himself a product of this twisted value-system. A value-system which values toeing the line, getting good grades and having the right brain that does well with tests and  is not grounded in  Judaism. 

   

  My heart breaks. 

  

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  • Anonymous -3 years ago

    G'd bless every word you wrote.  G'd please help me with my teshuvah for buying into and enabling this cruelty.   I would have homeschooled my daughter but I was in a very dysfunctional/abusive situation.  In order to help cover her tution at the day school, I worked at the school.  My first job as a teaching assistant was to "supervise" 1st graders doing their tefilot.  One student had some mental health issues and struggled to just sit, he would chew on his shirt... I asked the menachel, what am I supposed to be doing here?  He shrugged.  But on the other hand, this same menachel, who is actually quite forward thinking taught in a parenting class "don't catch up (on yiddishkeit) on your child's back).... many of us know the system is wrong but we keep enabling it.  Its hard to be everything.  Parents want a strong secular education for parnasa ... we want a strong Torah education.... what child, teen or adult can sit all day long in a dual curriculum program??

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• H

  Homeschooler -7 years ago

  Homeschooler

  Pls everyone, also consider homeschooling, which does not mean that the mom has to teach everything. There are groups that get together for classes, there are homeschooling centers, there are onine resources, there are tutors, we take trips to museums. 

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  True chinuch from ower rebbi's from the past

  hi i would recommend every Yiddishe parent or mechanech to buy he sefer "choivas hatalmidim" from the piyesetzne rebbi z"l (that lived right before ww2, and was excepted by all rebbis and gedoilem till todays days!) and read the first section of the sefer - called 'siach im hamelamdim v'avois habonim' and see whats called real chinuch! you will find there the same as what is addressed dy rabbi y.y.!!!

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• Y

  Yosef -7 years ago

  My Wife's Horrible Experience

  I was at your sermon 2 weeks ago on Shabbos where you spoke about the beginning of the end of the girl that committed suicide, the beginning being that she was thrown out of school. Thankfully you repeated that message during the week so others can also benefit from hearing the story. This prompted me to share with you the story of my wife to point out another atrocity which was the result of a girl being thrown out of school. I’m blessed with a wife that is B”H truly great. She’s sensitive, compassionate, smart and has many great qualities. Unfortunately, she comes from an abusive home (sick mother). Despite her having all the great qualities, being brought up in such a home disables a child from being able to grow, thus, learning difficulties in school are to be expected. At the age of 16, her teacher threw her out of school, without working out any alternative. As a result, she was home for a full year. During which, her brother, at the time a yeshiva boy (and now a rebbe), came home every day for lunch when no one else was home, and sexually abused her on a daily basis in a very disgusting manner! The implications of this are obviously enormous. And once a girl is abused, she’s susceptible to further abuse, which unfortunately happened. The pain and suffering that my wife (and as a result, people around) are going thru (now more than 6 years after getting married, and in the midst of extensive therapy) is impossible to imagine! The fact that she’s still alive and has a sincere respect to Judaism, is in my opinion a נס גלוי. (that brother was the ‘frumak’ in the family – broke tape recorders that had radio and didn’t eat ice cream not to give in to his תאוות). I was thinking; when that teacher is going to be called up after 120, she’ll be presented with a year’s full of sexual abuse along with endless suffering that she has to account for, and she won’t have a clue what it has to do with her! She probably conducts her life on what she thinks is a Toradik standard… Little does she know that her seemingly insignificant act many years back of throwing a kid out of school is the direct result of all that baggage that she has to account for now. The goal of this message is to bring awareness to prevent others from going thru similar terrifying experiences. May Hashem bless you for all the great things you do, and may he give you the tools and the strength to continue doing your great work!

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  Ultimately there can be no excuses

  Tragically she took her own life - no one is responsible but herself. Yes others may have contributed to her decision, but ultimately the responsibility lays solely on her. There are never "Valid" excuses for ending one's life. We can't let others think as she did that she is not responsible but rather others are for causing her pain. Ultimately you and ansible for yourself.

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  • J

    Joe -7 years ago

    Who said she had a choice maybe it really was unbearable???

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  • LH

    Levi Huebner -7 years ago

    She did not "take her own life" she died of an overdose. Unfortunately, the Torah world has to wake up, our children and communities are now facing a drug epidemic and many Jewish children are dying of drug overdoses.

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  • Anonymous -3 years ago

    Your callousness is exactly the problem. 

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  Ultimately there can be no excuses

  Tragically she took her own life - no one is responsible but herself. Yes others may have contributed to her decision, but ultimately the responsibility lays solely on her. There are never "Valid" excuses for ending one's life. We can't let others think as she did that she is not responsible but rather others are for causing her pain. Ultimately you and ansible for yourself.

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  • RAM

    Rabbi Ariel Margulies -3 years ago

    It is cruelty to think like this.

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• MZ

  Mendel Zilberberg -7 years ago

  AN OPEN CHALLENGE

  ISSUES There is a general problem that seems to prevail in our community – the failure to openly address the issues we are dealing with combined with a lack of balance between authority, responsibility and accountability. From the perspective of many parents, the difference between the schools and the parents is that the parents always remain parents (having questionable authority with respect to education but bearing the ultimate responsibility) while the schools do not always remain “the schools” because for any or no reason they can terminate the relationship. As long as the child remains in the school, the school has all of the authority – but how much responsibility, and virtually no accountability. From the perspective of the schools, parents can take their kids out of a school, but from a practical perspective, parents know that they are walking on thin ice when they apply to the next school because if, heaven forbid, they say anything negative about the prior school, they will be labeled as “trouble” and risk not be accepted. This inability to speak freely may be a root cause for the suppression of information. The issues may be further exacerbated because parents are generally not the ones hiding behind the veil of Dass Torah, after doing things that defy all logic. The issues regarding chinuch, nurturing children’s education, assessing children’s needs, and careful assessment before casting our children away during a school year or without adequate notice is not Parah Adumah – it is not some decree which humanity (except for minahalim and minahalot) are incapable of understanding. I may have forgotten to list the ever elusive DassTorah – that group of people whose names cannot be disclosed. It is significant to note that parents don’t generally promote themselves as experts – something that cannot be said about the schools – whether mainstream or special ed. It is also important to appreciate that parents dealing with their children are knowingly or possibly unwittingly influenced by the schools, often to the detriment of the children. It is unfortunate that only one tragedy is currently being discussed, when the issue is directly or indirectly causing many occurrences of loss of physical life, and in many cases, severe and emotional damage and/or significant damage to the belief system of many holy neshamos. I have read comments by people whose reasoning is that these issues cannot be the fault of the Yeshivos, so who can we blame. Many people claim to know the family (which may be true – it’s hard to know when every commentator – much like the schools - likes to be anonymous), but don’t know the facts, and there are also people who think the schools are ALWAYS to blame. Frankly, I do not think that it is a one size fits all issue and I do not think that there is a one size fits all solution. However, I do think that the schools have very significant authority without corresponding responsibility or accountability. To that end, I think that I can arrange an open debate: If the school that threw Malky A”H out is willing to come out of hiding together their Dass Torah, I think I can get the parents to speak. And Arrange a radio program on HEADLINES that has an audience of many thousands of people and has had leading Poskim on the radio show. It is about time to start adjusting the balance of authority, responsibility and accountability. It is about time for schools to recognize they are there to serve the students and it is not the job of children to serve the schools. It’s about time for a grass roots movement of responsible and respectful parents to get involved in demanding accountability from the schools. It’s about time for parents and schools to learn to independently identify potential issues and address them in a timely manner. It’s about time for teachers to have real training – Kollel to Rebbe, Seminary to Teacher is a recipe for disaster, need I say more. It’s about time to recognize the uniqu gits and challenges with which our creator created each child and to focus on each child’s G-d given capabilities, gifts and talents, so they can be successful where they shine, and NOT to QUASH and “remake” children in the School’s “mold.” The challenge for schools is how to accommodate different children who have different needs and different capabilities in an atmosphere that nurtures the growth of ALL of the children. If and to the extent a school is not a good match for a child, there are appropriate and responsible ways to facilitate the transition to another school. However, children should NEVER have their self-esteem destroyed (often times beyond repair) in the process.

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• AL

  Aron Lerner -7 years ago

  Interesting

  Interesting

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  Extremely Powerful. I will never read Parsha Balaak the same!

  Dear Rabbi, Does your teaching in this audio about Bilom also pertain to marriages? In the beginning of your class and up to a certain point I thought this audio is about Shalom Bait.until you added discussing about children. Is there a transcript of the audio available online?

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• MS

  Moshe Santos -7 years ago

  Loving, Deep and Direct!

  Rabbi, by far one of the most amazing and beautiful insights on education and understanding of our children...may HaShem continue to inspire you to move us to insight, personal teshuvah and action!!!

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• E

  eli -7 years ago

  education

  Avi Fishoff has sent me one of your many masterpieces. Where Bilom didn't understand where the Donkey was coming from and you so eloquently compared it to a child that was abused, without anyone understanding him. If I may,and only if I may the very same applies to a child or adolescent who feels inferior to his classmates in learning, where ppl don't understand his miserable and horrible world and I've seen it lead to suicide as well. I firmly believe that every rebbi shall learn to understand these students and simultaneously work on their Ahavas yisroel . Please address this in public I'm a veteran Mechanech myself. Sincerely and I thank you

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  yasher kochachoh

  very very powerful!!!!!

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  Mainstream school

  Spoken from experience: The alternative school is not the easy answer it seems. It does alleviate the feeling of responsibility by the mainstream school, but does the child really thrive and succeed in the alternative school, or are they back out of school in a short time? Is the secondary school really an more equipped to meet the needs of the child, or is it just a poorly run institution that will gladly accept any tuition, whether or not they can actually assist the child? As devastating as it is to be expelled from the first school, by the time a child is asked to leave a second school, their hope is nearly gone. Not to mention all the applications to schools who refuse admission because they are looking for only "run of the mill kids".

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  Additionally

  Thank you for this very needed message. May I add, that these stories often refer to children with learning disabilities, but also apply just as certainly, to gifted children, who often struggle and are "different" socially, behaviorally, etc. Mechanchim are even more clueless when it comes to these children, and as they are typically deeply sensitive, become crushed when they are thrown out of schools.

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  My opinion

  It is never black and white, but let's face it, some of these schools destroy children. I have seen many boys and girls destroyed because of comments and behaviors of school staff.

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  • ABP

    anonymous but pained -7 years ago

    Perhaps this should be a requirement for all parents and educators to listen to. How true, how some people are so easily labled and at times with no basis.

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• CB

  Chaim Bochner -7 years ago

  Yiddishkeit is Holistic

  I really have a hard time understanding how educators today think they're so much smarter than those before them. I've known and learned many Rebbes and Rosh Yeshiva s from past, and I just don't see ANY connection we have to the past! It became a Frumer velt. The Ropshitzer Tzaddik said "פיהל רשעות, ווייניג מצוות" is the first letters of פרום... I guess we entered that era r"l. Abd those that have depth, understand, והמבין יבין! Hashem should bring the geulah now...

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• A

  Avraham -7 years ago

  Unfair

  You Rabbi Jacobson, as a public speaker and educator, I wonder if you would interview the school and hear their side of the story if you would still get up in public and blame the SYSTEM. I have no idea why or what happened. But it is unfair, misleading and sending the wrong message to parents that you're not responsible or accountable because at the end of the day we can always blame the "SYSTEM". Easy way out!!

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  • Anonymous -7 years ago

    That is why I said in my lecture, that one can never ever judge without knowing the full story. That is also why I did not mention any names. Yet, as I said, the message was how sensitive we must be to the unique situation of each child. Let us also remember that to absolve the "system" completely is equally unfair. Each of us knows many many children who were deeply damages by how they were dealt with by educators in schools.

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    • F

      FL -7 years ago

      I do know this story personally, as we are close with the family and I would like to voice my feelings towards this tragedy. We can't completely blame the school system. She had a major learning disability and instead of placing her in a special school she was kept in the mainstream Bais Yaakov with tutors. Then, when that doesn't work out, the school system is blamed. Why shouldn't a child like this be in a school like Tiferes Miriam? es past nisht??? Is it all about getting into the right places, and now the school has to do as we please, and be mechanach our daughter that we ourselves are having a hard time with? Money can get her into the perfect high school. The problem was she didn't belong in that school. When you try to put a square peg into a round mold, do you blame the round mold for not bending? I fully believe that the school system has a thing or 2 to learn about how to treat our children, but the chinuch of our children was given to us, parents, and not the school system. I say this from a place of experience, having been kicked out of summer camp for no apparent reason, and getting an apology from them years later when they verified that whatever the story was, wasn't true. So yes, I was very hurt by the system, but I was more hurt by my parents. For putting me in that camp to begin with, which I didn't belong, and for not sticking up for me and thinking that paying them off will shush the entire situation and as long as it looks good it is good. When is THAT going to stop?? when will be take responsibility as parents and truly do "chanoch l'naar al pi darko". Where are we as parents? how many of us are embarrassed to put our son into a special yeshiva that is not mainstream because of the stigma? Do we care more about the street and what they will say? or do we care about the future of our children! The chinuch of our children was entrusted to us, not the school system. We turn to the system for help, not to take the burden of chinuch off our shoulders so that when something goes wrong we find someone to blame. I believe we each have to take a good look at ourselves and ask ourselves "are we doing everything we need to or are we doing what is socially accepted? I'm Chas V'shalom not blaming Malky's parents as only the Ribono Shel Olam knows the truth as to what happened to her. But let's learn a lesson before tragedy strikes again. Take control over the gifts that G-d gave us. Stop living for society and start directing your attention to your children. The school system will seem much better when we start doing that.

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      • Anonymous -7 years ago

        Allow me to share a few facts. The parents shared with me, that in the case of Malky, her learning disability was not diagnosed till after she was expelled from school. Yes she struggled, had tutors. She was well behaved and didn't disturb in class. But just like Bilaam who was not able to figure out that something terribly must be wrong here, the school lacked the simple understanding that there was a real blockage here, a malach with a sword. Yes the "Pi Haoson" was even open from time to time to explain, but the focus was just on Bilaam. It's only after she was expelled, and the family was trying to find her a school and also looking to do activities with her, did someone suggest they should take her for an evaluation. She was happy to go as long as it helps her to get into a school.

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  A Poem About Her

  We posted a PDF document, a poem written about this young woman and her struggling life.

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• YM

  Yisrael moskovits -7 years ago

  The journey of a young woman...

  A gem.

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• MZ

  Mendel Zilberberg -7 years ago

  unfortunately in the land of the blind the one eye man is king

  The story is tragic, the result is an unmitigated catastrophe. Most Importantly, the cause(s) warrant many schools to do some real soul searching: 1. Are the schools equipped to deal with children who are placed into one class but have varied talents, aptitudes, challenges, questions and are destined to choose or more accurately, be chosen by Hashem for different paths -- 1a. what level of training do the teachers have to equip the teachers to recognize the diversity and the beauty of the diversity 1b. what level of caring and interest to do what is in the best interest of the children -- or only the best children 1c. is the primary goal to maintain the schools reputation -- often at the expense of the children 2. should parents be more cognizant of the palpable inability or possible disinterest of schools to advocate for the school's reputation, or that schools generally advocate for the teachers, but not for the students who need the help and compassion most. 3. When has a mainstream yeshiva last publically apologized for doing something wrong in how they treated a student -- the narrative usually in some manner shape or form falls back on the "daas torah" abdication of all responsibility. One can only wonder what they are thinking on Yom Kippur by the Al Chet -- 4. Yeshivas will not ever say other yeshivas fell down on the job with respect to students -- rendering parents in a position in which the parents are powerless home schooling is not a viable option, recognizing socialization and self esteem issues. 5. Of course Yeshivos expect and demand unwavering respect for the decisions made by ill informed, uneducated, and often inexperienced personnel who are incapable of obtaining a positive result for the children even if that was the number one priority because they pitifully not trained. 6. Children who struggle academically can expect to have their self esteem battered, students with ADHD enter into battles of wills with Rebbes who are clueless, and chas vsholom if a child has legitimate questions about yahadus they are vilified for doing what Avraham Avinu did. in the previos generation when a child was hyper people said "er ken nisht Ain Zitzen" he CAN'T sit still -- today the rocket scientist rebbes say ER VILL NISH -- the child doesn't WANT to sit still -- which turns into a battle of wills -- parents defer to teachers who often exacerbate problems. the problem is like an iceberg -- we see the small portion above water -- the children whose suffering ends up in loss of life. slightly submerged in the water are the children we choose not to notice -- the otd holy neshomos however the base of the iceberg that is spread far and wide are the many yeshiva students who are disillusioned, unhappy and have never received any REAL education relating to the beauty and opportunity in living a torah true life. small hint -- it is hard to find in the book of what you have to do and what you may not do. it is to be find in the book of WHY -- why we were created, why we do mitzvos, why we are the am hanivchar, why we believe that our neshomas are pure and that is WHO we are -- despite what we may DO when the animal part of us prevails -- why learning that is not applied and does not become synthesized within us and ultimately inform our behavior falls seriously short of the mark and will not be able to adequately be transmitted to the children that Yeshivas are charged with educating. when will we learn -- when the prevailing attitude in NIMBY -not in my back yard -- the harsh reality is that its in your backyard, front yard, bais medrash, classrooms -- it id a plague lets stop burying our heads in the Sand.

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  • Anonymous -7 years ago

    You said it perfectly. We parents have to keep the pressure on and eyes wide open. As much as we can vote with our dollars and the choices we do have, switching our kids to the most compassionate andreal schools we can find and be relentless advocates

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• Anonymous -7 years ago

  thanks

  thanks, amazing.

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  • Anonymous -7 years ago

    beyond amazing. A must listen by every parent and educator in the world.

    Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

Balak Women's Class

Rabbi YY Jacobson

• July 9, 2017
• |
• 15 Tamuz 5777
• |
• 7279 views

Classes in this Series

• 

  1 hr 24 min

  Tuesday Women's Yom Kippur/Sukkos Class

  The Journey of Elul/Tishrei: Courtship, Engagement, Marriage, Intimacy, Honeymoon, And...

  Kol Nidrei -- When Your Soul Discovers Its Wings

• 

  1 hr 25 min

  Tuesday Woman's Rosh Hashanah Class

  The Attachment Theory in Psychology and Judaism

  The Shofar Curved Or Straight? One Breaths or Two Breaths? A Debate on Shofar Captures the Journey Between Our Need for Attachment and for Independence

• 

  1 hr

  Women's Ki Savo/ RH YK Class

  You Can Only Do Teshuvah If You Get Rid of Guilt

  Confessing Your Sins Reflects Your Infinite Majesty

• 

  1 hr 19 min

  9 Days/Shlach Women's Class

  I Matter

  When Our Dignity Is Gone, We Fall Apart

• 

  1 hr 23 min

  Women's Class Korach

  What Does it Take to Be a True Jewish Leader?

  Two Types of Leaders: Those Who See Crisis & Those Who See Opportunity

• 

  1 hr 22 min

  Behaaloscha/Korach/Pinchas

  Who Influenced You Most In your Life?

  Rashi and Rambam Have No Power Over Me; But What Influence!

• 

  43 min

  Women's Sefira/Lag Baomer Class

  You Love Your Wife, But Do You Respect Her? You Love Your Children, But Do You Respect Them?

  You Love Other Jews, But Can You Respect Them?

• 

  1 hr 23 min

  Your Psychological Seder #2

  15 Steps Toward Personal Emancipation

• 

  1 hr 7 min

  Your Psychological Seder #1

  15 Steps Toward Personal Emancipation

• 

  1 hr 51 min

  The Perfection of Imperfection: The Secret of Matanos L'aevyonim

  How to Give Charity on Purim -- And All Year

• 

  1 hr 13 min

  Purim Teaches Us How to Understand History & Our Own Lives

  The Impact of One Good Morning & the 1840 Opium War