This women&#39;s class was presented on Tuesday morning, 5 Teves 5777, January 3, 2017, At Ohr Chaim shul, Monsey, NY

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yosef

vayeishev

vayechi

dispelling darkness

forgiveness

resentment

vyigash

happiness

yosef and his brothers

depression

miketz

How Could Yosef Forgive His Brothers for All The Suffering They Brought On Him?

Vayigash Women's Class 

Confronting Your Pain: Were You Sold or Sent?

This lecture on happiness was presented by Rabbi YY Jacobson, in the Hilton of Wood Cliff Lake, N.J. on Wednesday, October 10, 2018 (1 Cheshvan, 5779). It was organized by Chabad of the Valley, NJ, under the leadership of Rabbi Dov and Hindi Drizin.

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marriage

What Modern Studies and Ancient Wisdom Teach Us About Cultivating the Happy Life

Lecture, Wood Cliff Lake, NJ

Happiness Is a Serious Problem

Hashkafa/Chassidus: Does Judaism Want Me to Be Happy?&nbsp;Why Did the Rabbis Make So Many Prohibitions?&nbsp;At a morning class by Rabbi YY Jacobson in August 2017, one of the students wanted to know why the Sages prohibited so many things, and if Judaism allows us to be happy. This was Rabbi Jacobson&#39;s response.&nbsp;

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simcha

Why Did the Rabbis Make So Many Prohibitions?

Hashkafa/Chassidus

Does G-d Want Me to Be Happy?

The Chabad centers of Florida&rsquo;s Gulf&nbsp;Coast joined together to honor the 26th yartzeit of&nbsp;the Lubavitcher Rebbe. On Tuesday, 24 Sivan, 5780, June 16, 2020,&nbsp; Rabbi YY&nbsp;Jacobson presents this lecture on zoom to hundreds of Jews of the Gulf Coast&nbsp;on the topic of cultivating a life of happiness, positivity and optimism.

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lubavitcher rebbe

positivity

shirley chisholm

food stamps

black congresswoman

positive attitude

When Eli Wiesel Asked the Rebbe to Teach Him How to Cry Again; When the Rebbe & a Black Congresswoman Created the Food-Stamp Program

Zoom Lecture for Florida Gulf Coast Communities

How Do I Cultivate a Positive Attitude in Life?

This women&#39;s class was presented on Tuesday Parshas Shemos, 15 Teves 5778, January 2, 2018, at Ohr Chaim, Monsey, NY. This class is based on an address by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, on Shabbos Parshas Shemos 5726/1966 (Likkutei Sichos vol. 36 Shemos).

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shemos

fear

faith

moses

trust

bitachon

How Our Thoughts Effect Reality

Shemos Women's Class

Tracht Gut -- Think Good 

This women's class was presented on Tuesday Parshas Acharei-Kedoshim, 6 Iyar 5777, May 2, 2017, in Monsey, NY.
How do you maintaining your identity during stressful times? What an agricultural Talmudic law about fruit teaches us about psychological serenity and historical endurance.&nbsp;

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rebbe

kedoshim

bitul

assimilation

connected to roots

stress

serenity

identity

nullification

jewish survival

arlah

zalman shazar

orlah

alter rebbe niggun

daled bavos

What an Agricultural Law Teaches us about Psychological Serenity and Historical Endurance

Always Show Up To Your Life with Your Core-Self

<a href="https://www.theyeshiva.net/item/857">My article last week</a>—in wake of more than 80 untimely deaths in the Jewish community since last Rosh Hashanah 5776, by men and women younger than 35, who died from overdose or suicide and the like—triggered many comments, questions and objections.
The conversation is long overdue. In my opinion, it must include first and foremost, three vital points.
1. Stop the stigma of mental illness.
We emphasize, accept, respect, and love patients who are physically ill. Yet when it comes to mental illness, many of us shut down. Many people who struggle with mental challenges—chemical disorders, depression, and all other forms of mental challenges—feel that if anyone finds out the truth about them, they will be shunned for eternity. They feel they can’t talk to anyone, because nobody will lend them an ear or a heart. They feel that nobody will be there for them. In their minds, we blame them for their problems. As one young man suffering from mental illness told me: “My father told me, ‘Just snap out of your issues and get back to normal living. Enough!’”
This is deeply tragic. People do not choose these types of challenges; they are the result of Gd’s choices. What they need most is the feeling that they are not victims of the devil, destined to a miserable life. They are powerful souls (neshamos) who can bring light into the abyss of darkness. Our acceptance, respect, and affection for them helps them empower themselves and see themselves from another vantage point.
I heard the following story from the person it happened to. There was a young woman struggling with mental illness. It was very serious, to the point that she was suicidal. After a long ordeal and hospitalization, and much advice from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, her father thanked the Rebbe for “schlepping her out of her deep darkness.”
The Rebbe responded: “She was in no dark place that I needed to take her out from there.”
When she left the hospital, the Rebbe wrote to her: “From now on, may you serve Gd with joy and gladness of heart.”
Trust me, the Rebbe knew very well the seriousness of her condition. He was deeply involved in her entire journey, down to the electric-shock treatment given to her. But, in my opinion, the Rebbe was attempting to give her the feeling that he will never look at her as this “dark, scary soul.” He will look at her as a shining piece of G-d who was sent down to this world with infinite power, sent into a very deep space of darkness in order to reveal light there. The Rebbe reminded this person that she is an ambassador of Gd, not a victim of the devil.
Till today, this woman, who has many challenges, lives with a deep sense of purpose, joy and dignity.
This is not about denial and being naive. On the contrary, it comes from a broad, sophisticated and Divine perspective, where we do not run away from trauma, pain, and mental illness. We have the courage to stare them in the eyes, and to see the pure light of those souls struggling with something they did not choose.
We got to change our paradigms about mental illness.
Admittedly, sometimes it is very difficult. Unlike the physically ill, individuals with mental illness often say and do very hurtful things to people who love them most. Yet, we must remember, that they are not bad or malicious people; some of them possess the biggest hearts you will encounter on our planet. They were given a trying challenge, beyond what most of us can even fathom. Nor is it our role to become supermen who will heal them. We can’t heal them. They must find the tools within themselves (of course with the guidance of true experts in the field) to make their lives manageable and meaningful. But we can embrace them; we can be here for them; allow them to be open with us—and treat them with the dignity they truly deserve.&nbsp;
2. Stop trying to make your child “fit in.”
Parents and educators must be attuned to what their children and students need today, based on who they are at this very moment. Do not try to create a child who will make you look good and make you proud in your own social and religious circles. Do not try to force your child to “look good,” so that everything appears normal. Your goal is to allow your children to discover their own depth, their own soul, their own beauty, their own purpose, their own creativity, and their own connection to G-d. You want to make your children believe that they are more powerful than all of their trauma; that they may have “chains,” but their soul and willpower are more potent than all the chains that life conferred upon them.
How do you give youngsters that sense of power? By loving them infinitely and unconditionally. By making them feel and understand how valuable and powerful they are, and how much G-d believes in them, even if they do not believe in themselves. How awesome and perfect they are in the core of their being, which nobody can ever take away. No illness, no molester, no traumatic experience, can ever rob them from their wholesome, perfect, sacred, confident, joyful, holy and Divine core. There is a sacred unshakable purity and sense of wellness in each of us that nothing can tarnish and destroy. We need to show our children they do not need to fear their own challenges, because we do not fear them. They can talk about them, they can look at them, and they can share them with us. We love them unconditionally and we believe that a “chelek Elokah mimaal”—a “fragment of G-d,” as the mystics define the soul—can overcome trauma, abuse, mental illness, and addiction.
Never allow your children’s choices to become a personal affront to yourself, and never sever the relationship. Keep the bonds as strong as ever. Talk to experts who will help you—but experts who believe that a soul is “a part of G-d,” and that every Jew is holy forever, and that—as Elijah the Prophet says (in the Midrash Tanna D’vei Eliyahu, chapter 14)—the Jew comes before Torah. You break the Tablets to save a Jew!
(Some of us will never forget the endless flow of tears when the Lubavitcher Rebbe communicated this message on Simchas Torah 1986, and then again on Shabbos Shoftim 1989. It is one of the deepest memories etched in my mind. I never saw the Rebbe weep with such intensity and for so long—and on Simchas Torah! The Rebbe said then, that the entire Torah concludes with the story of Moshe Breaking the Holy Tablets—because the ultimate message and zenith of all of Torah is: We break even the Torah to save a Jewish soul.)
This is not because Torah is secondary. To the contrary, the Jewish soul is one with Torah. “Yisrael, Oraisa, v’Kudeshah Brich Hu Kula Chad,” the Jewish people, Torah and G-d are all bound up in a singular oneness. By breaking the Luchos (The Tablets) and embracing a soul, you are allowing the neshamah to ultimately discover the Torah etched within her very core.
Stop trying to make your child “fit in” at all costs, even at the cost of his/her miserable future and dignity. Do not worry about what your relatives will say at the next family simcha. Think about one thing and one thing only: What do I need to do to allow my child to flourish, to discover his or her infinite dignity, to feel wanted, loved, cherished, and accomplished?
3. Talk and listen—constantly.
We must constantly talk to our kids and listen to them. We must talk to them about the dangers of abuse of all forms, and always, always communicate with them, watch them, listen to them, be attentive to their state of mind, and build unshakable bonds of trust with them.
More than anything, do not make them feel like outcasts, losers, disappointments. Believe in them, so that they can believe in themselves. See them as fragments of Gd, as particles of holiness, as rays of infinity.

Mental Illness, Depression, and Social Pressure

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unconditional love

soul

children

education

neshama

neshamah

mental health

mental illness

suicide

parenting

chinuch

Mental Illness, Depression, and Social Pressure

Don't Try to Force Your Child to "Fit In" and Make You Look Good

A Tale of Two Jews
In the world of yesteryear, in a small village near Karlin, Belarus, lived two Jews. One was a Chassid—a pious follower of the great spiritual master Rabbi Aaron of Karlin. The other was the type they used to call a Misnaged, a Jew who deeply apposed Chassidim and Chassidus and everything they represented. The misnaged (the opponent) was tremendously wealthy and the Chassid—a desolate pauper.
This wealthy man had everything a man desires. He had fine children, a dedicated wife, and was healthy like the day he was born. All a man can wish for except one thing: cheerfulness. He was a bitter and miserable soul. He never had a pleasant moment; he was always tense and suppressed. He would be quicker to pay full price for something than to smile. He was a religious person, but his religion had no soul, no smile, no joy. It was all about rigid law. &nbsp;
Friday evenings in this man’s home were solemn and glum. He would sit at the head of the ornate mahogany table with a stern face, tense shoulders and eyes that bespoke tension. Even the Shabbos melodies were depressing, sung fulfilling his duty, without warmth.
Truth be told, this man was most comfortable and content with Tisha Bav, the saddest day in the Jewish calendar; by contrast Simchas Torah was a day he dreaded. &nbsp;
If there ever a soul of darkness, it was he!
Across the street at the corner, was a shack, a wretched excuse for a home, where the Karliner Chossid lived or, to be more accurate, was surviving. He barely had money to buy nutritious meals for his family. He lived on the edge. But one thing that never lacked was joy, exuberance and warmth.
Friday evenings at the chassid’s home were other worldly. Joyful and lively tunes reverberated throughout and the house was filled with a heavenly euphoria and ecstatic elation. He hugged each of his children and made them feel like princesses. He laughed, he sang and he danced. He loved the Shabbos and he loved people. He was in love with life.
And so it was week in week out, the misnagad’s home made the North Pole look like Miami, and the chassid’s home was a haven of warmth and light, pulsating with joy and excitement.
Now, the chassid’s good natured personality irked his wealthy neighbor to no end. “How can it be,” he would often wonder “that I, who posses all a man can want, yet I am so bitter and angry, while this penniless Chassid is so joyful and upbeat?!” Inasmuch as it disturbed him, he remained bitter. This was the 18th century, pre-therapy days, so when you were irked by your neighbor, you just repressed it.
The Sukkos Trauma&nbsp;
Sukkos was his worst holiday. The holiday of joy was something he could not bear. He would sit outside in the Sukkah upset and distraught. His poor wife and children sat with him somber and hard faced. A gloomy atmosphere always filled the Sukkah. &nbsp;
Across the street was the chassid’s sukkka full of dancing and singing. Many lechayim’s were shared and beautiful stories told. The Sukkah walls were bursting with positive energy.
The Decree
One Sukkos, the positivity and joy was more than the misnaged could handle and he decided he must put a stop to the Chassidic lunatic who was driving him mad. Being the wealthiest Jew in the shtetl and practically providing everyone’s livelihood, he devised a plan.
You see, how would the poor chassid build his Sukkah every year? He would approach Yankel and ask him for a piece of wood or two; then go to Chatzkel and request a piece or two, then he would go to another few friends and borrow for the week a plank or two, and eventually put together his little sukkaleh. So as the next year came around, as Sukkos approached, the wealthy Jew warned one and all not to help the chassid with his Sukkah. “Under no circumstances is anyone allowed to lend him lumber,” he warned. “Anyone that does, can look for a job somewhere else.”
His word was heeded. This year, the poor chassid got the same response from everyone he approached. “I would love to help you but your neighbor forbade us to help you. I have young mouths to feed; I’m sorry but I can’t afford to lose my job.” Every person he went to rejected him.
The chassid was devastated. It was a night before his most cherished holiday and he still had no Sukkah. He had no money to purchase his own lumber, nor would anyone lend him even a single plank of wood. What do I do? He thought to himself.
Suddenly he had a plan; he would go to the cemetery.
The Cemetery
The custom back then was, when a poor person who cannot afford a marble tomb would pass away, the shtetel community would provide a wooden plank for his tomb. The cemetery had hundreds of such planks with the inscription “Here Lies” (Po Nitman), and when someone poor would pass away, they carved out his name on the plank of wood, and stuck it into the ground. This would constitute the tombstone on his grave.
“Well,” thought the chassid to himself, “let me go borrow the planks of wood from the cemetery to build my Sukkah. “Who’s going to die on Sukkos, and if someone does, how many will die already? There are hundreds of planks in the cemetery. I will borrow these planks for my Sukkah and return them after the holiday! Certainly, the kehilah (community) would allow me to do so.”
And so off he went with tens of wooden planks and built himself a Sukkah the size of an airport! The cemetery had so many planks, that he could afford to build himself a gigantic Sukkah, larger than he ever built before.
The Night Comes
The eve of Sukkos arrives and the misnaged is sitting in his Sukkah rubbing his hands. “Finally,” he says to himself as he settles in his palatial Sukkah, “it’s about time I taught that Chassidic dance box a lesson! Finally, I will enjoy one Sukkos without those lively tunes, festive celebrations, and ecstatic dancing from the Chassid. Finally I will be able to remain happily depressed without anyone making me feel how misrable I am.”
You can imagine his shock and horror when he hears his neighbor singing like never before. The voices from the other sukkah are more jubilant than any other year! He goes to see for himself and… Oy! His neighbor is sitting in a massive Sukkah, larger than ever before, surrounded by his wife and children, plus a few guests, dancing and singing, and enjoying immensely.
The wealthy Jew never had a worse meal in his life.
The next night, he could contain himself no longer. He ran over to the Chassid’s Sukkah, his face burning red with anger, his veins looked like they would burst out any second. “Who gave you this wood?” he roars at the poor Chassid. Who defied my orders? Tell me right now, from whom did you obtain such a massive, beautiful Sukkah?”
The chassid, who was a clever individual, looks at his neighbor and smiles. “First of all, Gut Yom Tov my friend, sit down and relax and I will explain it all to you.”
An Encounter
The Chassid tells him the following story:
Due to your decree, I was not able to gather materials to build a Sukkah. As you know, I’m sure, I don’t either have a steady job. So with no Sukkah to build and no work to do, I was left with a lot of time on my hands.
It was the night before Sukkos, and I had nothing to do. What does a Jew with time on his hands do? I decided to go for a walk.
I went out for a stroll. It was after midnight.
As I am strolling, I meet someone I have not seen in a long time: the angel of death.”
“Sholom Aleichem,” I tell the angel of death. “What brings you to our neighborhood on the night before Sukkos?"
The angel of death tells me he came to do a job. Someone’s time is up and he got to seize the man’s soul.
“Who?” I asked the angel of death. Who are you coming to take?
“Ah,” the angle of death says, “I am on my way to kill your rich neighbor. The guy who really can't tolerate you. His time is up.”
So I turned to the angel of death, and I said: “Don’t bother with him. Leave him alone."
"Why?" asked the angel of death. "He despises you with a passion. Why not finish him off?"
So I told the angel of death: "It is a waste of your energy and time to kill this man. You see this person has long been dead. Trust me, there is no need to kill him; he died many decades ago. He has not been alive for probably 50 years.”
The angel of death thanked me profusely for giving him the night off. Then he asked me how he can repay my favor. I told him: I need a Sukkah!
So the angel of death told me: Go to the cemetery and build your Sukkah with all the wooden tombstones that are there. I promise you, I will make sure no one dies for the next eight days, and you have no reason to worry about those planks of wood. You can take them all!”
At this point, the chassid points to the walls of his Sukkah and says: Look, I can prove it. Pointing at the “Here Lies” (Po Nitman) inscription that was on all the boards, he says, "you see they are all from the cemetery."
The Breakdown
The misnaged could no longer contain himself. Years of ignoring and suppressing his emotions and feelings, stifling his crying soul, suddenly gave way, and the dam crumbled. Rivers of tears flowed freely, as he wept like a baby. He cried for the decades of lost time; he cried for his soul, for a live lived so meagerly and miserably.
“How is it that I have everything yet I have nothing; you have nothing, yet you have everything?” From where do you get it? From where?” cried the welathy man in agony.
“For this,” replied the chassid, “you need a Rebbe.” A Rebbe lifts you up in a moment of hardship, and empowers you during challenging times. A Rebbe allows you to remain connected to your own deepest soul, reminding you of your essential connection to G-d. A Rebbe is always there for you, pushing you up the mountain of life, telling you that you can climb yet higher. And when you are connected to a Rebbe, you realize that there are things larger than your own ego, you don’t take yourself so seriously. You can laugh at yourself.”
“Go to Karlin, go to the great Rabbi Aharon of Karlin, my Rebbe. There you will begin to live.”
Tradition has it that this wealthy Jew turned out to become one of Reb Aharon’s greatest disciples.

In the world of yesteryear in a small village near Karlin, Belarus, lived two Jews. One was a Caossid&mdash;a pious follower of the great Chassidic master Rabbi Aaron of Karlin. The other was a Misnaged, from those Jews who deeply apposed Chassidim and Chassidism and everything they represented. In keeping with age old tradition the misnaged (the opponent) was tremendously wealthy and the Chassid&mdash;a desolate pauper.
The wealthy Jew had everything a man desires, except one thing: cheerfulness. He was a bitter and miserable soul. He never had a pleasant moment; he was always tense and suppressed. He would be quicker to pay full price for something than to smile. He was a religious person, but his religion has no soul, no smile, and no joy. It was all about rigid law. &nbsp;
Across the street at the corner, was a shack, a wretched excuse for a home, where a karliner Chassid lived or, to be more accurate, was surviving. He barely had money to buy nutritious meals for his family. He lived on the edge. But one thing that never lacked was joy, exuberance and warmth. 
On Sukkos, the great confrontation happened. The angel of death got involved, and a new life was breathed into a miserable soul.

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sukkot

“How Come I Have Everything, Yet I Have Nothing?”

A Sukkah Sponsored by the Angel of Death

Q &amp;A: 
Therapy, Mental Illness, Anxiety &amp; Faith 
Child Molestation 
When Rabbis Disappoint 
Why Not Get Rid of Religion? 
Why Do My Ancestors Obligate Me? 
Individuality &amp; Chassidic Dress 
Talent for Acting 
When to Divorce 
What Was the Opposition to Chassidus?

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When Rabbis Disappoint; Why Not Get Rid of Religion? Why Do My Ancestors Obligate Me? When to Divorce?

The Emunah Series

Basics of Emunah #29: Therapy, Mental Illness, Anxiety, Molestation

This women&#39;s class was presented on&nbsp;Tuesday Parshas Eikev, 19&nbsp;Av, 5779, August 20, 2019 at the Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, NY.

The Jewish people are standing at the Eastern side of the Jordan river. They are poised to enter the Promised Land. Their faithful leader, Moshe, speaks to them. These are his words: &quot;Hear, O Israel! Today, you are crossing the Jordan to come in to possess nations greater and stronger than you, great cities, fortified up to the heavens. A colossal and towering nation, the children of the giants, whom you know and of whom you have heard said, &quot;Who can stand against the children of the giants?!&quot;

This is mind-staggering. Moshe is repeating, almost verbatim, the words the Ten Spies uttered 39 years earlier which caused an unparalleled catastrophe, and derailed Jewish history from its course.

Is this for real? After everything they have been through, Moses repeats&mdash;as we said, almost verbatim&mdash;the terrifying and destructively-impactful words of the spies which sowed terror and dread in all of their brethren hearts!&nbsp;

It is here that we discover the truth of Torah. Judaism&nbsp;does not deny reality; it does not sell us the Brooklyn Bridge. It acknowledged the real fears internal and external hardships, but it also says: Hashem is with you; you can confront every fear.&nbsp;Life is difficult, but if you can accept that, then life can be a lot of fun!&nbsp;

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is a powerful tool, but sometimes it can fail you. It is then that you need another, very different tool -- articulated in this story of Eikev.

The lecture is based on an address by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Shabbos Parshas Eikev, 23 Av, 5731, August 14, 1971.

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spies

eikev

menachem begin

churchill

Moshe, Churchill and Begin: How to Prepare Your People for War

Women's Eikev Class

Life Is Difficult. Once You Accept This, Life Can Be Fun

This class to women was presented on Tuesday morning, 12 Teves 5777, January 10, 2017, at Ohr Chaim in Monsey, NY

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menashe

ephraim

brothers selling joseph

The Most Charming Figure In the Torah Also Endured a Most Painful Life. But How?

Women's Vayechi Class

From Trauma to Transformation: Two Steps in Healing

Counting of the Omer - 49 Steps Toward Inner Wholeness with Rabbi YY Jacobson

Simcha 24/7

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