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  bracha -10 months ago

  wow unbelievable! thank you for understanding and speaking words of depth and chizzuk to people are real and have an emotional world!

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  Mark -11 months ago

  We are divine beings in human form, following the will of our creator to the best of our ability and beyond - marriage won't make you whole - it supplements your wholeness, which is already there within you ,  in a very profound way to help achieve the will hashem in this world

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  null -11 months ago

  Bereshit:  לא טוב:  To be alone (by himself) no good. One can respect it but nonetheless what a miserable life despite all the rest, no partner no children no familial love.לא טוב  . All the rest is rationalization. Yes support sistem can delute , but not everybody has a decent support system.

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  • Anonymous -11 months ago

    There are many singles like you that feel the same way. If you are "marriage material" Hashem should help you find one of them right away. If you are not, please realize that you have other qualities that make you a good person. Hashem has no extra people in this world and every one of them serves a specific purpose.

    In any case, try to find people that are in a similiar situation to yours. Although companionship cannot take the place of marriage, we should do all we can to make the best out of whatever situation we are in. Doing nothing but complaining about our situation is not coming from a healthy place and is very deterimental. Hatzlacha Rabbah!

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  Brocha -11 months ago

  Question for Rabbi YY

  What do I do if I have a wonderful father but he gets nervous about the boys I date if they are good enough and distracts me. How is the best way to handle this.

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  • Anonymous -11 months ago

    One of the biggest causes of staying single are parents who think their child is better than any shidduch that walks through the door. You are in better shape than many in this situation because you recognize the issue and also recognize the negative reaction that this is causing within you. Do your best to ignore your father's concerns since you realize that the issue is not your date, but your father who is nervous. Hatzlacha Rabbah!  

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• Anonymous -11 months ago

  Hi what should I do if I have 2 brothers in shidduchim above me and I can start but I want to wait should I wait?

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  • Anonymous -11 months ago

    Don't wait - the idea of waiting for an older sibling comes from Lavan

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    • Anonymous -11 months ago

      Some additional thoughts:

      There is no greater segulah for finding a shidduch than an older sibling being mevater and encouraging a younger sibling whose time has come to start shidduchim. Each one should daven for the other to find their bashert.

      Hashem has a time frame for everybody and one sibling is not necessarily connected to another. Any parent who wants to institute a rule that siblings must marry in order should learn sifrei Emunah and Bitochon and then ask a Gadol Hador if this rule is Daas Torah - I assure you that it is not. 

      There have been too many houses where many of the children never got married because the oldest or one of the older siblings never got married and by the time the younger siblings received permission to start shidduchim .... Hatzlacha Rabbah!

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  Lea -11 months ago

  Question for Rabbi YY

  BS"D Dear Rabbi YY Jacobson, I'm 34 years old, 15 years in shidduchim. Six month ago i decided to stop turtore myself and stoped dating. I feel i did everything i can (davening, speaking with more than 100(!) Shaddchanim all over the world for the past 6 years, dating with guys from different background etc.). The suggestions are getting worse (it's very easy to say "no"). I feel despair. I feel like why even bother and getting hurt again? I really want to get marry and to have kids. Sometimes i feel maybe i missed the train. Something that suppose to be easy feels like (became with the years and the experience) gehinnom. I will be glad for your important words and advice - where do i go from here? Thank you very much!

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  • Anonymous -11 months ago

    I  feel your pain and Hashem should help that you meet your Bashert right away. Moshe Rabbeinu Davened 515 Tefilos - numerical value of ואתחנן and Hashem asked him to stop davening because if he would have davened one more Tefilla, he would have broken the gezarah and Hashem would have been "forced" to allow him to go into Eretz Yisroel. Since Moshe Rabbeinu only wanted to do Hashem's ratzon he stopped davening. In your case, you never know how many Tefillos are needed to break through your gezarah so DON'T STOP Davening and contacting Shadchanim. If you are the one who is constantly being rejected by shadchanim and dates, and haven't seen a dating coach recently, you should see one to find out what you should do to enhance your chances of finding your bashert. Since the squeeky wheel gets the grease, you should also be reconnecting with the shadchanim that you spoke with on a regular basis to find out if anything changed since you last contacted them. If you are the one who is rejecting others, then you might need to focus on what is most important to you in a marriage and look away from other things. Generally, the most important thing to look for is a baal middos. Hatzlacha Rabbah!   

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  Coraline -11 months ago

  Question for Rabbi YY

  How to behave with men in shidduchim in order to find our zivug? Can you give us a detailed plan?

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  • Anonymous -11 months ago

    Be yourself - you don't want to marry someone who thinks he is marrying someone who is not really you.

    Make sure you let him talk and listen to what he has to say. Men like to be heard. If you don't have anything meaningful to comment you can say "so you mean ....." This will make him feel good that you listened and understood what he said, and might stimulate him to continue on his discussion of the topic. In many cases, even if you don't add too much original thought to the conversation, as long as you keep it flowing, especially if he thinks his ideas are being accepted, he will enjoy the date because he feels validated and he will want to see you again. 

    In general, men like when food is on the table when they come home from work - or at least with a short time frame therafter. They also like their wife to look put together. They also want a woman that is cost conscious. If any of the aforementioned fit you, you should mention that this is something that is very important to you. You should also put in a caviat that this is the "goal" but not always the "reality" since life's circumstances get in the way. Hatzlacha Rabbah!

      
    
    

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    • Anonymous -11 months ago

      Also, find out early on what is important to them in a wife. This will enable you determine if you would want to continue.

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  Sara -11 months ago

  Question for Rabbi YY

  In the Gemara, it says that 40 days before you’re born your beshert has been decided. What about converts?

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  • Anonymous -11 months ago

    I don't remmember learning that there are any exclusions to this Chazal. One would think that since Hashem is beyond time - he knows who will be requiring a frum shidduch and he has a match for everybody.

    Although a convert has a much smaller pool of people to choose from, this is also a positive since your target audience is much more defined. Just make sure that you inform the people and organizations involved in making converts, that you are ready to get married. Hatzlacha Rabbah!   

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  Sara -11 months ago

  Question for Rabbi YY

  I met “a lot of” different men (+30 years old) this last year, shadchanit, suggestions from people I know, sawyouatsinai, JSwipe, évent,… and I have the impression that none of them is really serious anymore. They speak with different girls at the same time and have commitment issues. Why? How and where to find someone reliable and honest in 2024?

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  • Anonymous -11 months ago

    I would focus on broadening the scope of people you know and getting in touch with Shadchanim. Most shidduchim are made by people who have met both sides. Hatzlacha Rabbah! 

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  Sara -11 months ago

  Question for Rabbi YY

  My question : how to meet our zivug when we live in a small town, far from everything, where there is no one for us (“Hypothetical” example: Antwerp in Belgium)? I noticed that men living in Israel, London or NY for instance are not interested in long distance shidduchim because they have enough choices in their own country.. I would be open to relocate if I meet someone, but now I have a good situation, job & life so I’d prefer to stay here, at least until I meet someone… Thank you so much!

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  • Anonymous -11 months ago

    The question is if you have exhausted all the possible shidduchim in your area and if so, I would try to expand your horizons to other parts of Belgium. It might be easier for someone from Belgium to relocate to Antwerp. If you see that nothing interests you in Belgium, try neighboring countries. If that doesn't work you probably have to look to move to Israel or England and make sure you let the Shaddchanim know that. The same Hashem that set you up nicely in Antwerp can do so somewhere else. Hatzlacha Rabbah! 

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The Shidduch House with Rabbi YY Jacobson with Q & A

Rabbi YY Jacobson

• January 23, 2024
• |
• 13 Sh'vat 5784
• |
• 2646 views

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