• R

  Raffi -13 years ago

  secrets
  I just want to comment on R' Drizin's discussion of secrets. I do abuse prevention education in schools in New Jersey. The way we frame this topic is "secrets" vs. "surprises". Some secrets that we think are "bad" may not be so easily identifiable by children as such. However, we've found that children can generally understand the following distinction: a surprise is something mom or dad will find out about soon; a secret is something they're NEVER supposed to find out about. That is not okay. I think this a more helpful and safer way to frame this.
  
  
  
  Rabbi Raffi Bilek, LSW
  
  www.projectsarah.org

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• AF

  a fan -13 years ago

  wonderful class
  what a great class thank you!!!

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• A

  Anonymous -13 years ago

  HaYom Yom
  22 Teves instead of 22 Shvat

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• YC

  y cohen -13 years ago

  thank you
  very informative, practical, and crucial for every mother and father to hear. Thank you for posting!

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• L

  Leah -13 years ago

  Excellent
  Our children are already grown and most married, so unfortunately your directives are too late for us.
  
  You have explained so many good points very clearly. Don't anyone be fooled by the apparent simplicity of Rabbi Drizin's suggestions!! They are far from simple, altho' they may appear to be obvious.
  
  Specifically he mentions, for the father to spend just 5 minutes a day with each child. From what I have seen this could have spared both my husband and my children much difficulty in their personal lives----and I am not even referring to molestation but just building confidence and personal strength and self esteem!! Yes, fathers are very busy making a living, learning etc and sometimes can forget who they are making a living and learning for!!
  
  Rabbi Drizin--just curious---the reason you mention the father and not the mother is because of the natural closeness of a mother to her children...and any other reasons?? Should a mother also do the same and spend such time one on one with each child, or is it not as important for the mother in terms of molestation, etc ??

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  • A

    Anonymous -13 years ago

    Re: Excellent
    
    
    Mothers are foundational and as rule they are readily available for their children. Fathers however, need to make an extra effort. If you want to help insure that your children will follow in your footsteps, the father needs to be engaged with his children. engaging  means a father needs to spend at least 5 minutes a day, ideally 10 minutes a day, one on one eye to eye, no interruption I.e. No texts no phone calles. 

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Chaim Drizin

• May 31, 2011
• |
• 27 Iyyar 5771
• |
• 2086 views

Classes in this Series

• 

  9 min

  YY Moment

  A Prayer of a Young Victim of Abuse

• 

  1 hr

  When Religion Becomes Toxic and Full of Lies

  Amudim Awareness Event About Drug Addiction, Overdose, Depression and Suicide

• 

  37 min

  I Am Here to Ask Forgiveness

  The Shofar: An Outcry Against Abuse

• 

  17 min

  Understanding the Motivation of the Molester

  Child Abuse In Our Communities. Lecture 5 of 6

• 

  13 min

  How Can a Molested Victim Find Healing?

  Child Abuse In Our Communities. Lecture 4 of 6

• 

  13 min

  The Life-Long Effects of Child Abuse

  If not dealt with, molestation can ruin marriages, and affect one's functioning -- Lecture 1 of 6