• SJB

  s j Bukht -11 years ago

  yeshava.net
  

  
  1st time i have heard such beautiful. nice, amazing, speech. i have no words to express my true feeling, in short thanks and a lot of thanks

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• R

  Rachel -13 years ago

  disupting pop-up
  Hi theyeshiva.net editors, you have a great site which can truly teach a lot. Thank you! I especially like Dr. Drizin's videos and his expertise on child care. Just one complaint I know you guys need donations as I can tell that a site which has this many archives probably costs a lot of rent, but do I really need to to see it every 3 minutes another pop-up asking me to donate? It can get kind of disruptful.
  
  Ok thanks and also if I want to donate my maasaer money but don't want to give my credit card number, can I send cash? To whom do I address it? You can email me back at [email protected]

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• Y

  YH -13 years ago

  story
  Good message, good stories. One correction. The story with the Alter Rebbe was not about Jewish cantonists which were after his time.

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• CI

  Chaim Itche -13 years ago

  Avrohom
  Yes
  
  A child when told "You are a good little boy" "You are great" "You are so smart." is judgmental and evaluative praise and is better avoided. Why? Because it is not helpful. It creates anxiety, invites dependency, and evokes defensiveness. "I'm not so smart" "I'm not so good" "I'm not as great as you think I am." "If I'm smart or great or very good" then I need to fill all these expectations. Etc..

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• CI

  Chaim Itche -13 years ago

  Avrohom
  Yes
  
  A child when told "You are a good little boy" "You are great" "You are so smart." is judgmental and evaluative praise and is better avoided. Why? Because it is not helpful. It creates anxiety, invites dependency, and evokes defensiveness. "I'm not so smart" "I'm not so good" "I'm not as great as you think I am." "If I'm smart or great or very good" then I need to fill all these expectations. Etc..

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• A

  Avrohom -13 years ago

  Question for Rabbi Drizin
  What do you mean by that rule: "praise only child's accomplishments, not character"? what about if my son has an innate good character? I should not say "you are very sharp and sensitive"? Because its generalities and therefore meaningless for the kid?

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• CI

  Chaim Itche -13 years ago

  Giving praise
  One of the most important rules is that "praise only the children's EFFORTS and ACCOMPLISHMENTS, not with their CHARACTER and PERSONALITY."  Words of praise need to reflect for the child a realistic picture of her/his accomplishments, not a distorted image of his/her personality.

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• CB

  Chaim Bryski -13 years ago

  The art of giving praise
  Thank you Rabbi Drizin for articulating the dangers in praisng the wrong way without taking the effort to describe the positive behavior. If just that concept you would teach Dayenu! Instead of "I'm so proud about your good marks" - "you spent time studying the Chumash even though it was so hard; You must be so proud of yourself". Thank you for your profound wisdom.

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• RCD

  Rabbi Chaim Drizin -13 years ago

  Response to Nechama
  Concentrate on energizing what's working in a child's behavior. And 'storying' what the child is doing that is right and good. ALL children do good things.
  
  
  
  If you have 4 year old who "kicks, bites, scratches, and pushes" when she/he are "pushing and scratching" but not "kicking" you say: Moishi or Leah, "youre not kicking!" or: "I know how hard it is for you to give up your turn, and you just gave up your turn to Dovid", or: "you came home and you put away your backpack", or: "I noticed you said the first two lines in the benching".
  
  
  
  Just keep noticing all the things that your children are doing, from the simple to the hardest. That will give them a story of success          הצלחה. "My mother noticed, my father noticed WOW." That gives a child a sense of importance of who they are. 
  
  
  
  What you 'story' is remembered, what you don't is forgotten.

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• EFAC

  educater for Amazing Challengi -13 years ago

  Thank u
  i cannot wait for your upcoming class! this one had some very good stories that i cant wait to share with my students...many of whom were sadly given very false unhealthy definitions of self...keep the stories coming!

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• N

  nechama -13 years ago

  thanks - need examples...
  Thank you for your insightful class. It would be most helpful to me if you provided some words that build children. For example, if a child is difficult at home, causing a great deal of stress in the household, what can we say so the child does not get a story for himself of "I'm a mean person, I'm disrespectful to my parents...etc."
  thank you

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• J

  Joseph -13 years ago

  Thanks
  A very important message.

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• FF

  Florida fan -13 years ago

  Teachers
  I was amazed by you class, I think that teachers in our Yeshivah world are missing a lot of basic professional training, I know you did an amazing job in LEC keep it up its about time all yeshivos get into this they need to do better job.

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• A

  Anonymous -13 years ago

  Curious
  About what you will say next week. I found this very compelling, its almost sublime. Many parents will think they are telling their children great narratives, but I would say they are not...

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Chaim Drizin

• January 15, 2014
• |
• 14 Sh'vat 5774
• |
• 4226 views

Classes in this Series

• 

  29 min

  Is There Only One Right Way to Raise Your Child?

  The Conclusion of the Series on Narrative Therapy. Class 4 of 4

• 

  27 min

  Rewriting the Script of Your Life

  Labels Make Us Feel that We Are All of Whatever the Label Says We Are. But We Are Not All of Anything. Class 3 of 4

• 

  23 min

  The Story of My Life -- How To Build Your Child's Self Esteem

  We Are the Stories That We Tell, and the Stories Others Tell About Us. Lecture 2 of 4