Two Sides to the Family
A bar mitzvah boy, preparing his bar mitzvah speech, asked his mom about their ancestry. Mom spoke of her illustrious background, all the way back to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

“And where did they come from?”

"From Adam and Eve."

"And they?"

“G-d created them.”

The boy wrote it down and then went to dad. “Where do we come from?” asks the boy.

“Ah, we come from the apes. After millions years of evolution we evolved into humans.”

The confused boy comes running back to his mom. “Mom, you said we come Adam, Eve and G-d. Dad says we come from the apes…”

“No contradiction here, son,” she said. “I was talking about my side of the family. He was talking about his side of the family.”

The Joking Couple
The weekly Torah portion, Toldos,[1] records an episode whereby Isaac, traveling with his wife through the land of the Philistines, tells the locals that they are brother and sister. He is scared that if they knew he was her husband, they would kill him and take his beautiful wife. The trick works until the king of the Philistines, Abimelech, decides to take a peek into their lodgings. "Abimelech gazed down through the window," says the Torah, "and saw—behold! Isaac was jesting with his wife Rebecca." "Abimelech summoned Isaac and said, 'She is your wife! How could you say, 'She is my sister?’” Now, presumably it was not unheard of to joke with one's sister. So how did Isaac's jesting with Rebecca demonstrate that they were spouses, not siblings? Obviously then, the term "jesting" or "joking" employed here in the Bible is a euphemism for intimate relations, an activity not expected to take place between siblings, only between spouses.[2] This deserves our investigation. Why is it that from the many other and clearer terms usually employed by the Bible to describe intimacy, here the Torah chooses to define the relationship between Isaac and Rebecca in terms of laughter and jest?

The truth is that this strange term captures the "secret ingredient" that fueled the Isaac-Rebecca relationship which could have easily eroded. What component gave this marriage—and can give each of our marriages—its oomph? Laughter.

Laughter and Oxen
In the year 1809, at the Shabbos prior to the wedding of a grandson, the great master, Rabbi Schnuer Zalman of Liadi (1745-1812), founder of the Chabad school of Chasidism, presented the answers to the above questions.[3] What follows, are excerpts of the discourse, expressed in my own words.   The name Isaac in its original Hebrew, Yitzchak, means "laughter." Indeed, Yitzchak was named so because his birth brought laughter and joy to his long barren mother, Sarah.[4] Rebecca in its original Hebrew, Rivkah, is the name used to describe a "team of plowing oxen."[5] When beasts are tied and linked together to engage in productive work, this team of animals is called a "rivkah."  How do the names Rivkah and Yitzchak meet? What is the connection between laughter and linked beasts?

Do You Know How to Laugh?
What is the cause of laughter? What makes people laugh most? What gives us our greatest [6]chuckle? The answer is, reality defying itself; the merging of paradoxes. What makes the best joke? An unpredictable punch line. The joke-narrative is leading in one direction, and then suddenly, the punch line catches you off guard, and you burst out laughing. This is also the skill employed by every comedian in his comedy routines.  What defines a sense of humor? The ability to look at conventional events in unconventional ways. The unpredictable, the unfamiliar, the abnormal—these phenomena strike the cord of laughter in our psyches. When you observe a child behaving like an adult—you laugh. Conversely, when you see an adult behaving like a child, you giggle. Children are expected to behave like children and adults like adults; when they switch roles, laughter is born. When you hear a human being talking, you don't even break a smile. When you listen to a parrot communicating verbally—a function not reserved for birds—you marvel in disbelief. Conversely, when you observe a bird standing on a high wire, you don't bother to look again; however, when you behold a human being walking a tightrope, you gaze in astonishment.   Imagine if the sun only rose once every 70 years? We would melt in ecstasy upon the tremendous sight. Now that the sun comes up each morning, we are apt to sleep through the sunrise.

The Greatest Joke
What is the greatest "joke" of all? What is the most surprising and unexpected phenomenon in the world?  Human transcendence. A person is naturally beastly and self-centered. Every act, thought, word and desire of man is motivated by the quest for self-preservation and self-gratification. Selfishness, aggrandizement and egotism are inherent to our nature. Now, when this beastly human being says "no" to his or her nature for the sake of a higher truth, the person has created the greatest comedy of all time!  When an angel is spiritual and holy it is a most natural and predictable thing; a kind of dog-bites-man story. But when a human being—overwhelmed by endless materialistic and psychological stress and pulled down by the incessant demands of an inner beast—subdues his nature, transcends his inclinations, and proclaims, "G-d is one," this is a real man-bites-dog story, an utter surprise that provides the Creator and history the deepest of delights.

The Purpose of Creation
Why did a perfect G-d create an imperfect world? Why did a perfect G-d create a world at all? The answer is presented by Rabbi Schnuer Zalman of Liadi: G-d craved laughter.[7] G-d's perfection and holiness are predictable, static, fixed and natural. It is the holiness, the nobility and the idealism that emerges from a human heart that has G-d—and us—“in stitches" throughout the spectacle we call history. The purpose of creation was not holy people doing holy things. It was, rather, unholy people doing holy things.[8] We were created in order to generate the miracle of transformation: to take our material egotistical natures and sublimate them.  If you're feeling like a self-centered beast, do not get depressed over the fact that you are unholy. At this very moment, if you subdue your beast and perform a holy act, you will give G-d His greatest laugh.

This is why the first child to be born a Jew was named Yitzchak, Isaac, meaning “he will laugh.” For this is the essence of Judaism: the belief that the human being can and needs to be holy. And that is the greatest joke ever told.

That is also why the name Yitzchak means “he will laugh,” in the future tense. Just as in the good joke, we only laugh at the conclusion of the joke when we get the full punch line, the same is with human life. Only at the end of history, when Moshiach comes, will be able to “get it,” and truly start laughing.8* 

Synthesizing Two worlds
Isaac and Rebecca came from two diametrically opposed backgrounds: Isaac was born and raised by saintly parents, probably the most selfless people in the generation. Isaac himself agreed to become an offering for G-d. He was raised on the altar and, in a sense, he never left that altar. He knew not of corruption, deceit or even selfishness. Nothing but holiness enveloped him throughout his entire life.[9] But the true joy in Isaac's life sprung from Rebecca—a young woman raised in a morally depraved environment, in a family notorious for its lowliness and dishonesty, in a society of pagan promiscuity.[10] Whether you believe in "nature" or "nurture," Rebecca should have remained unrefined and animalistic. But little Rebecca had a tremendous sense of humor! She understood that the calling of man was to defy nature and to transform reality. Thus, Rebecca turned out to become, as the Midrash defines her, a "rose among thorns."[11] From a mere self-centered animal, she became a "Rivkah," a soul linked to others in kindness and love, attempting to "plow" an earthly world and transform it into a Divine orchard.[12]  Rebecca represents the human animal elevating itself from its natural quagmire to enter the living waters of life's wellspring and sharing it this others, even those who are still in the level of an animal (a camel), which is how Abraham’s servant knew she was the suitable spouse for Isaac.[13]

The Glue
“Isaac was jesting with Rebecca his wife.” This was the secret of their marriage. Isaac and Rebecca, as the Bible relates, had plenty of arguments; some of these arguments had dramatic historical implications. But never did these differences of opinion manage to tear them apart. Never did Isaac and Rebecca lose their loyalty and trust to each other. Why? Because they never forgot that the purpose of life—and of marriage—was to laugh! To make the impossible a reality. To unite two people who by nature are likely to remain apart.

The same must be true in our marriages as well. When you are experiencing discord with your spouse, and predictably you are about to get into a fight, you must realize, that the purpose of marriage is laughter, making the unpredictable happen. “Naturally, we ought not to get into a quarrel; but let us surprise ourselves, let us find a way of transcending our natures, and make our relationship work.

And when you observe deficiencies in your spouse that require much work, instead of becoming frustrated and resentful, you ought to realize that it is precisely this pattern—a rose emerging from many thorns—that grants a marriage tremendous laughter and delight. Laughter is born only from transformation.     

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[1] Genesis 26:7-11

[2] See Berishis Rabah 64:5; Rashi to Genesis 26:8.

[3] Published in Torah Or Toldos 17d; maamarei Admur Hazakan 5169 p. 1.

[4] Genesis 21:3;6.

[5] Mishnah Eiruvin 17b (see Rambam and Meleches Shlomo to the Mishnah ibid); Talmud Pesachim 26a (see Rashi ibid); Gittin 53a. (See, however, Rashi to Gittin ibid. for a slightly different translation.) The term has its source in the Bible in Samuel 1 28:24 and Amos 6. See, however, commentaries there

for a different translation (the place from which the animals eat).

[6] Torah Or Toldos 18a; Likkutei Torah Shabbas Shuvah 67b.

[7] Why He craved to laugh, we do not know. We know, however, that this is what He desired.

[8] This is one of the cardinal principles of Rabbi Schnuer Zalman's perspective on life and is elucidated in the Tanya, chapters 36-38.

8* See Talmud Berachos 31a.

[9] See Bereishis Rabah 64:3; Rashi to Genesis 26:2. Cf. Yerushlami Taanis 2:1.

[10] See Yavamos 64a; quoted in Rashi to Genesis 25:21. Bereishis Rabah 60:7; 12, quoted in Rashi to Genesis 24:31;55. Rashi ibid. 24:50.

[11] Shir Hashirim Rabah 2:2. Cf. Likkutei Sichos vol. 1 p. 35-6.

[12] This also explains why Isaac wished to give his blessings to his older and more animalistic son Esau, while Rebecca ensured they go to the more refined Jacob. Isaac craved the opportunity to sublimate an animal; but Rebecca understood the process of how to get the work done.

[13] Genesis chapter 24.