• Anonymous -2 years ago

  A nice shiur, but the opposite of reality.  I escaped my abusive marriage, and one could ask my adult boys just how nightmarish it was, and found nowhere to turn but a public domestic violence shelter. This was after my therapist at Bikur Cholim told me for almost a year straight that I would be able to go to the local secret Jewish women's shelter. Many times I saw tears rolling down her cheeks as I gave over that weeks biggest marriage crime committed against me and/or my children. She even got me a caseworker there to make it look like they were going to help me escape and get on my own feet.  Meanwhile my X was also in therapy there and for a time we were also in couples therapy there. They gaslit me while trying to improve my x's behavior, which didn't improve.  To shorten the story, the caseworker ended up telling me that "these things are swept under the rug" and that OHEL women's and children services is not even "allowed" to come to this area.  I am a convert and served in the Coast Guard after high school, and this caseworker said maybe the VA could also help me somehow.  He even scanned my DD-214 (discharge papers and proof) into Bikur Cholim's computer system, and told me he would research it and get back to me next time.  The following visit he told me that no help was available from the VA.  Meanwhile my therapist told me that I needed a rabbi to get into this secret Jewish shelter and she was aware that I had called my Xs rabbi (Schlesinger at that time and still I believe) and left desperate messages four times over the course of 9 months or so.  He never returned any of my calls.  Then when I was truly at the breaking point, my therapist said she knew the rabbis gabbai well, and she would get me an appointment with said "rabbi" through him so I could get into the Jewish shelter.  I went to the appointment late one night after he gave his shiur, and as I motioned to him should I sit here, he yelled at me,"What are you doing here!  I have my nephew's vort tonight, there are only 24 hours in a day, I got all of your calls, I play all of my messages! Etc."  Meanwhile when my x was deathly ill in the hospital he had enough hours in the day to return my call and again call my x when he was conscious, and when my eldest became ill because of my x (as my eldest explained to BC psychiatrist) he also had time to return my call. I ran out of that "appointment" without even bringing up the non-existent (eventually I figured out) shelter and sobbed for a few days straight.

  Years ago after a horrific incident I went to my x's earlier rabbi, right there on Forshay, and I was told "We don't speak about these things."

  Eventually I made it to the public shelter through the Center for Safety and Change. There were two different women there that literally wanted to kill me for reasons like I had the use of the kosher toaster oven. One of them tried to start a fistfight with me and I had to run to the office for cover.  While I met many nice people during the six months I lived there, it was a very difficult environment.

  From the shelter I was sent to the New City VA where I found out about and was accepted into their housing program for victims of domestic violence (HUD-VASH). Hey thanks for your careful research Bikur Cholim. Without that I would be homeless.  Later my son told me of the conversation he overheard where Rabbi S said to my x, "Don't worry, she'll  be back, it will be too hard for her to find an apartment."

  To give you a complete picture of my Jewish experience with this would take ten pages.  Two individuals have been as helpful and supportive as they were able.  But there is no real Jewish help and much stonewalling when I did find any place to call.

  Fast forward to now, and x is trying to divorce me into long-term poverty as I was tricked into signing a pre-nup where that is the result. There is no man in the community to help me talk sense and basic caring into x (if that were possible) and the court system depends upon one judge's decision. X lies, denies and most definitely severely twists facts, I have a free public lawyer who's probably very overworked and possibly negatively influenced and it doesn't look like its going to turn out good for myself and my children even though I know factually that he has more than sufficient resources that he could share.  This is after my 26 years with him which included being continually provoked, overworked, embarrassed, isolated and forced to do all the household woman and man work and being slandered in advance at the times I had a normal reaction after severe abuse. And all of my adult children know I'm the truthful one and they most definitely don't want me to be poor for the rest of my life.

  This is just a fraction of what I could say. And I'm not trying to put out dirty laundry, I'm just saying that while the title and content of your shiur is right on, the opposite happens.  If writing this helps even one woman or child in the present or future, BH, I'm grateful.  

  I do have a steady low-paying job wherein I have to get up for work in the middle of the night six days a week. I could work a five day week, but I need more funds so I almost always go six. 

  Rabbi, please immediately erase this from public view, I just felt the need to speak my truth to you after watching this shiur. I have emunah and bitachon that Hashem will make sure I'm okay.  And I ask Hashem that my father, Avraham Avinu, master of chesed, also watch over me.  And what got me excited and interested in Yiddishkeit, Sefer Tehillim, stand in my favor and also carry me through.  Thank you for reading, and now may this please help you to make any change in even the smallest part of the (misogynist in my experience) system to help even only one person (world) in the future. One cannot fathom the overwhelming nightmare of abuse unless they have lived it, and may your influence prevent others from having this happen to them in the first place.  Thank you.

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  • LL

    Laya Litton -2 years ago

    HaSh-m is withyou every step of the way.  I know it's gehennom. I also lived/live it.  HaSh-m should please give you the strength to continue forward, and the health, and all the  resources you need to not just survive, but to THRIVE! To get yiddishe nachas from all your children! And to know thatyour Emunah in HaSh-m despite the hell you have and do live, is the Kedusha that brings HaSh-m's mercy to the world, for everyone else. We all love you. 

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• Anonymous -2 years ago

  Beautiful understanding of Rav Aharon Kotler- 'rauy lemi sheamro'

  

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• G

  gregory -2 years ago

  Your message in the video of Me Myself and I is one of the truest messages I have heard presented by anyone. The message of Torah is how to live and treat life in real time rather than a distraction from life or a tool to put people down. I encourage and compliment you to spread this message until Messiah arrives soon enough. We all have Messiah in us and need to learn how to treat each other so to let the light out.

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• ER

  Esther Rachel -2 years ago

  Thank You, Rabbi

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• N

  Nancy -2 years ago

  Thank you

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Chazaq Lecture

Rabbi YY Jacobson

• May 10, 2021
• |
• 28 Iyyar 5781
• |
• 1111 views

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