<p>This class was presented by Rabbi YY Jacobson, Sunday morning, on the postponed fast-day of 17-18 Tamuz 5766, July 24, 2016, in Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, New York.&nbsp;</p>

2863_discipline_with_love.jpg

22_מאנסי תשעו.pdf

21_rabbi_yy_jacobson_sunday_class_07242016.mp4

21_rabbi_yy_jacobson_sunday_class_07242016.mp3

tisha be'av

gevurah

discipline

17 tamuz

9 av

tisah beav

The Inside Story of the “Three Weeks”

Discipline Only From Love

<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.theyeshiva.net/item/857">My article last week</a>—in wake of more than 80 untimely deaths in the Jewish community since last Rosh Hashanah 5776, by men and women younger than 35, who died from overdose or suicide and the like—triggered many comments, questions and objections.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">The conversation is long overdue. In my opinion, it must include first and foremost, three vital points.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;"><strong>1. Stop the stigma of mental illness.</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">We emphasize, accept, respect, and love patients who are physically ill. Yet when it comes to mental illness, many of us shut down. Many people who struggle with mental challenges—chemical disorders, depression, and all other forms of mental challenges—feel that if anyone finds out the truth about them, they will be shunned for eternity. They feel they can’t talk to anyone, because nobody will lend them an ear or a heart. They feel that nobody will be there for them. In their minds, we blame them for their problems. As one young man suffering from mental illness told me: “My father told me, ‘Just snap out of your issues and get back to normal living. Enough!’”</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">This is deeply tragic. People do not choose these types of challenges; they are the result of Gd’s choices. What they need most is the feeling that they are not victims of the devil, destined to a miserable life. They are powerful souls (neshamos) who can bring light into the abyss of darkness. Our acceptance, respect, and affection for them helps them empower themselves and see themselves from another vantage point.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">I heard the following story from the person it happened to. There was a young woman struggling with mental illness. It was very serious, to the point that she was suicidal. After a long ordeal and hospitalization, and much advice from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, her father thanked the Rebbe for “schlepping her out of her deep darkness.”</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">The Rebbe responded: “She was in no dark place that I needed to take her out from there.”</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">When she left the hospital, the Rebbe wrote to her: “From now on, may you serve Gd with joy and gladness of heart.”</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Trust me, the Rebbe knew very well the seriousness of her condition. He was deeply involved in her entire journey, down to the electric-shock treatment given to her. But, in my opinion, the Rebbe was attempting to give her the feeling that he will never look at her as this “dark, scary soul.” He will look at her as a shining piece of G-d who was sent down to this world with infinite power, sent into a very deep space of darkness in order to reveal light there. The Rebbe reminded this person that she is an ambassador of Gd, not a victim of the devil.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Till today, this woman, who has many challenges, lives with a deep sense of purpose, joy and dignity.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">This is not about denial and being naive. On the contrary, it comes from a broad, sophisticated and Divine perspective, where we do not run away from trauma, pain, and mental illness. We have the courage to stare them in the eyes, and to see the pure light of those souls struggling with something they did not choose.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">We got to change our paradigms about mental illness.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Admittedly, sometimes it is very difficult. Unlike the physically ill, individuals with mental illness often say and do very hurtful things to people who love them most. Yet, we must remember, that they are not bad or malicious people; some of them possess the biggest hearts you will encounter on our planet. They were given a trying challenge, beyond what most of us can even fathom. Nor is it our role to become supermen who will heal them. We can’t heal them. They must find the tools within themselves (of course with the guidance of true experts in the field) to make their lives manageable and meaningful. But we can embrace them; we can be here for them; allow them to be open with us—and treat them with the dignity they truly deserve.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;"><strong>2. Stop trying to make your child “fit in.”</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Parents and educators must be attuned to what their children and students need today, based on who they are at this very moment. Do not try to create a child who will make you look good and make you proud in your own social and religious circles. Do not try to force your child to “look good,” so that everything appears normal. Your goal is to allow your children to discover their own depth, their own soul, their own beauty, their own purpose, their own creativity, and their own connection to G-d. You want to make your children believe that they are more powerful than all of their trauma; that they may have “chains,” but their soul and willpower are more potent than all the chains that life conferred upon them.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">How do you give youngsters that sense of power? By loving them infinitely and unconditionally. By making them feel and understand how valuable and powerful they are, and how much G-d believes in them, even if they do not believe in themselves. How awesome and perfect they are in the core of their being, which nobody can ever take away. No illness, no molester, no traumatic experience, can ever rob them from their wholesome, perfect, sacred, confident, joyful, holy and Divine core. There is a sacred unshakable purity and sense of wellness in each of us that nothing can tarnish and destroy. We need to show our children they do not need to fear their own challenges, because we do not fear them. They can talk about them, they can look at them, and they can share them with us. We love them unconditionally and we believe that a “chelek Elokah mimaal”—a “fragment of G-d,” as the mystics define the soul—can overcome trauma, abuse, mental illness, and addiction.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Never allow your children’s choices to become a personal affront to yourself, and never sever the relationship. Keep the bonds as strong as ever. Talk to experts who will help you—but experts who believe that a soul is “a part of G-d,” and that every Jew is holy forever, and that—as Elijah the Prophet says (in the Midrash Tanna D’vei Eliyahu, chapter 14)—the Jew comes before Torah. You break the Tablets to save a Jew!</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">(Some of us will never forget the endless flow of tears when the Lubavitcher Rebbe communicated this message on Simchas Torah 1986, and then again on Shabbos Shoftim 1989. It is one of the deepest memories etched in my mind. I never saw the Rebbe weep with such intensity and for so long—and on Simchas Torah! The Rebbe said then, that the entire Torah concludes with the story of Moshe Breaking the Holy Tablets—because the ultimate message and zenith of all of Torah is: We break even the Torah to save a Jewish soul.)</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">This is not because Torah is secondary. To the contrary, the Jewish soul is one with Torah. “Yisrael, Oraisa, v’Kudeshah Brich Hu Kula Chad,” the Jewish people, Torah and G-d are all bound up in a singular oneness. By breaking the Luchos (The Tablets) and embracing a soul, you are allowing the neshamah to ultimately discover the Torah etched within her very core.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Stop trying to make your child “fit in” at all costs, even at the cost of his/her miserable future and dignity. Do not worry about what your relatives will say at the next family simcha. Think about one thing and one thing only: What do I need to do to allow my child to flourish, to discover his or her infinite dignity, to feel wanted, loved, cherished, and accomplished?</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;"><strong>3. Talk and listen—constantly.</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">We must constantly talk to our kids and listen to them. We must talk to them about the dangers of abuse of all forms, and always, always communicate with them, watch them, listen to them, be attentive to their state of mind, and build unshakable bonds of trust with them.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">More than anything, do not make them feel like outcasts, losers, disappointments. Believe in them, so that they can believe in themselves. See them as fragments of Gd, as particles of holiness, as rays of infinity.</p>

<p>Mental Illness, Depression, and Social Pressure</p>


2944_help.jpg

unconditional love

soul

children

education

chinuch

neshama

neshamah

mental health

mental illness

suicide

parenting

depression

Mental Illness, Depression, and Social Pressure

Don't Try to Force Your Child to "Fit In" and Make You Look Good

<p>This class was presented to women on Tuesday Parshas Toldos, &nbsp;Nov. 29, 2016, at Ohr Chaim, Monsey, NY.&nbsp;In this class, Rabbi YY Jacobson answers the big question, how can we call Eisav a Rasha if his fate was predetermined in the womb of his mother? As it turns, out Judaism creates special space for struggle, and so should we. What G-d wants from you is not what He wants from me.&nbsp;Children should ever be compared to each other.&nbsp;</p>


4000_rock.jpg

21_womans_toldos_2016_11_29.mp4

21_womans_toldos_2016_11_29.mp3

toldos

eisav

yaakov eisav

likkutei sichos toldos

rivkah

The Torah Text Compels Us to Empathize with Eisav

Women's Toldos 5777 Class

The Innocent Eisav: How We Destroy Many a Child

<div class="gmail_default">This keynote address was presented by Rabbi YY Jacobson at the Torah Umesorah 9th Annual Presidents Conference, Motzaei Shabbos Parshas Vayishlach, 17 Kislev 5777, December 17, 2016, at the Turnberry Isle Miami Hotel, in Aventure, Florida.</div>

4051_tu yy.jpg

21_torah_umesorah_2016.mp4

21_torah_umesorah_2016.mp3

shimon hatzadik

eliphaz

youth

reish lakish

reb yochanan

Believe In The Children:  Lecture at the 9th Torah Umesorah Presidents Conference, December 17, 2016

Torah Umesorah Keynote Address: We Need a Paradigm Shift in Education

<p>A lecture by Rabbi YY Jacobson presented at an Amudim Awareness Event in Forest Hill, Queens, NY, on March 4, 2017. This event was held in response to many recent cases of overdose and suicide in the Jewish community. This is a sharp speech about confronting the crisis of youths losing their lives to addiction and despair, and the layers of deceptions and lies that allow the crisis to fester.</p>


4151_amudim_event.3f9c.png

21_rabbi_yy_jacobson_amudim_awareness_event_3_4_2017.13cc.mp4

21_rabbi_yy_jacobson_amudim_awareness_event_3_4_2017.13cc.mp3

dysfunction

abuse

honesty

lies

Amudim Awareness Event About Drug Addiction, Overdose, Depression and Suicide

When Religion Becomes Toxic and Full of Lies

<p>Do You Ever Throw a Child Out of the House? How to Deal with Rebellious Children. This class was presented in Adar 5777, March 2017, at Ohr Chain, Monsey, NY, at the conclusion of the daily Gemarah Shuir, Rosh Hashanah 16b, where the Gemarah says that Yishmael was judged based on his present siaution, not based on his future generations. The class was a response to the question, why, then, when it comes to a Ben Sorer Umoreh do we judge him based on his future, not his present?</p>


4173_child_abandoned.e6af.jpg

21_gemara_thurs_3_23_standalone.a9c9.mp4

21_gemara_thurs_3_23_standalone.a9c9.mp3

child abuse

ben sorer umoreh

child molestation

yishamel

trauma

How to Deal with Children Who Break All Your Rules

Do You Ever Throw a Child Out of the House?

How To Talk To Your Children- The Power the Words You Use Have on Your Children. Class 1 of 4 

180_kidsh.jpg

22_1_how_to_talk_to_your_kids.pdf

drizin_class_1.360p.mp4

drizin_class_1.mp3

How Words You Use Impact Your Children. Class 1 of 4 

How To Talk To Your Children

The Story of My Life -- How To Build Your Child's Self Esteem- We Are the Stories That We Tell, and the Stories Others Tell About Us. Lecture 2 of 4 

186_samarkandh.jpg

drizin_class_2.360p.mp4

drizin_class_2.mp3

We Are the Stories That We Tell, and the Stories Others Tell About Us. Lecture 2 of 4 

The Story of My Life -- How To Build Your Child's Self Esteem

Rewriting the Script of Your Life: Labels Make Us Feel that We Are All of Whatever the Label Says We Are. But We Are Not All of Anything. Class 3 of 4

188_kidsplayh.jpg

22_3_rewriting_the_script_of_your_life.pdf

drizin_class_3.360p.mp4

drizin_class_3.mp3

identity

lables

script of life

Labels Make Us Feel that We Are All of Whatever the Label Says We Are. But We Are Not All of Anything. Class 3 of 4

Rewriting the Script of Your Life

<p>The Conclusion of the Series on Narrative Therapy. Class 4 of 4</p>

194_child.jpg

22_4_is_there_only_one_way_to_raise_your_child.pdf

drizin_class_4.360p.mp4

drizin_class_4.mp3

narrative therapy

raising children

The Conclusion of the Series on Narrative Therapy. Class 4 of 4

Is There Only One Right Way to Raise Your Child?

When Can You Expel a Child From School?- How to Criticize the People Around You

55_55_childrenh.jpg

22_tazria_5771.pdf

tazria_5769_revised.360p.mp4

tazria_5769_revised.mp3

tzaraas

relationships

love

kohen

kohanim

kindness

criticism

motzei shem ra

slander

yeshiva

expulsion

priest

school

How to Criticize the People Around You

When Can You Expel a Child From School?

<div dir="rtl" style="text-align: left; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt"><b><span dir="ltr" style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">A Bribe for Your Professor</span></b></div>

<div dir="rtl" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">At the next class, the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><b><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">One Heart</span></b></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">The Talmud relates the following episode:</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">When our father Jacob was on his deathbed, surrounded by all of his children, he suddenly felt that the Divine presence, the Shechinah, departed from him. He was overtaken by dread and fear that one of his children present in the room was living an immoral life, and that is why the Shechinah has left him. The old father confronted his children asking if perhaps one of them has corrupted his ways, betraying the values he, Jacob, had attempted to inculcate within them. </span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">His sons responded with the most famous Jewish declaration: “Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokenu Hashem Echad." Listen Israel – Jacob’s name was Israel -- the Lord is <b>Our</b> G-d, the Lord is One. Kishem Sh’ein B’libcha Ela Echad, Kach Ein B’libeinu Ela Echad. Just as in YOUR heart there is only One, so too, in OUR heart there is only One."</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">At that moment Jacob responded and said, "Boruch Shem Kevod Malchuto Le’olam Va’ed. Blessed be the honorable name of His kingdom forever and ever." (Talmud Pesachim 56a). </span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">Their response raises a question. Let's&nbsp;listen to their words carefully: “Just as in YOUR heart there is only One, so too, in OUR heart there is only One.” The first half of their statement seems superfluous. We know that in <b>Jacob’s</b> heart there was only One G-d. That was not up for discussion; no one was suspecting Jacob’s heart. The question was what was going on in THEIR heart. All they needed to say was, “Listen father, in OUR heart there is only One!”?</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><b><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">A Mirror</span></b></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">The answer is that in this very expression they have encapsulated one of the great themes of education. The first half of their sentence was not superfluous. Jacob's children were explaining why their father need not fear about his children's moral destiny. "Jacob our father, if there is One in your heart," the children told their father, "you can be assured that in our hearts, too, there is only One." Children are the mirror of their parents’ hearts, not of their words<b>. </b>Since in your heart there was one, our heart too is saturated with the one living G-d.</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">All too often, parents think that they can impart values to their children without internalizing these values in their own daily lives. They teach their children about integrity, faith, love, and discipline, but they do not necessarily embody these principles themselves. They preach of one G-d, but that G-d does not challenge them in their personal lives. They will speak up against anger, animosity, envy, and selfishness, but they themselves fall prey to these traits. </span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">This usually does not do the trick. Children do not respond to what the parents say as much as to who they are. Values are like colds: they are caught, not taught. If in your heart there is One – in his heart, there will also be One. When your child experiences consciously and subconsciously your purity and integrity, it is likely that the values that shaped the parents will continue in the lives of their children. </span><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">It may take some years or sometimes decades, but the seeds planted by your heart in the heart of your children&nbsp;will produce the results.</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">Political scientists have long found that four out of five people with a party preference grow up to vote the way their parents voted. In fact, while many people experience a temporary rejection of their parents’ politics in very early adulthood, virtually nothing is more predictive of your political ideology than that of your parents—it’s more of a determining factor than income, education, or any other societal yardstick.</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><b><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">Hypocrisy</span></b></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">When asked about the greatest challenge he faces today, the principal of one of the largest Jewish high schools in the United States related this thought: Parents spend thousands of dollars a year in tuition to send their children to our school where, along with calculus and chemistry, we are expected to teach some basic ethics. Then, on Sunday, the parents take their child to an amusement park and lie about his age in order to save five dollars on the admission fee. To save five bucks they destroy a $25,000 education. </span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">Most parents and teachers realize that values and perspectives must be planted by personal example. However, in practice, we sometimes try to build into our childrens' and students' behavioral routines that we personally have not yet mastered. We insist that our children eat properly, even though we survive on coffee and donuts. We insist that they don't sit by the TV for hours, while we fall short of these expectations. In short, we find it easier to work on our children than on ourselves, and so that is sometimes what we do. </span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">This hypocrisy has disastrous results: Too many children legitimately view their parents and teachers as insincere. Disrespect burgeons slowly until, around ages 12-15, it shreds the parent-child or teacher-student trust and relationship. Then children reject the moral authority of the adults in their lives. They isolate themselves emotionally from parents and teachers, and begin making their own (often self-destructive) decisions. </span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">In a famous study regarding the transmission of values from parents to children, the following question was asked of many children: What do your parents want you to be when you grow up—rich, smart, famous or good? Most of the children -- from a variety of demographic and cultural sectors -- ranked rich, smart, or famous as most important. And the characteristic that ranked lowest was being 'good.' Ironically, parents across the same sectors responded that they favored 'good' as the preferred characteristic for their child. </span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">Why was there this disconnect between the desire of the parents and the perception of their children? </span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">The answer may be that preaching to children demands parallel practice by parents. True goodness is not taught in books, it is transmitted by living example. Parents may tell their children that they want them to be good people above all, but what are the children <i>experiencing </i>from their parents? Are they—the parents—placing goodness&nbsp;above all other comforts?</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">If you want to touch the heart of your child, make sure that your own heart was touched. And work not just on your conscious, but also on your unconscious identity. Children often respond to the unconscious of their parents even more than to their parents’ conscious selves.</span></div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr">&nbsp;</div>

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 120%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; direction: ltr"><span style="line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt">This was the message of Jacob’s children to their father: The reason there is in our heart only One, is because our hearts reflect and mirror YOUR heart, and in your heart, there is only One. This is true concerning every parent and teacher.</span></div>


Do You Ever Expel Your Child From Home?

A Conversation with Rabbis Boruch and YY Jacobson About Teens At Risk

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